The Facts on Self-Esteem, Psychology, and the Recovery Movement

---

The way of thinking I have just outlined may seem at first to be so obvious as to be unquestionable. But in fact, it commits an error. It assumes that the only alternative to giving yourself a low rating is to give yourself a high rating. This way of thinking considers only two alternatives: That ignores another option: Not rating yourself, refraining from self-rating, means that you can evaluate what you do without drawing conclusions about yourself as a total person.

Is there some way I can stop being late? That may sound unobjectionable.

But suppose that you conquer your habit of being late. What harm can it do to pat yourself on the back? It can indeed do harm! You are drawing comfort and sustenance from your judgment that you are a fine person, and you are requiring yourself to perform well to support that judgment. This leads to anxiety.

WHAT IS RECOVERY?

We can acknowledge that low self-esteem may be a problem, without recommending high self- esteem. We can instead encourage them to stop globally evaluating themselves. Instead of low self-esteem or high self-esteem, they can have no self-esteem. If we do not rate our total selves as good or bad, what attitude is it best for us to take towards ourselves? Instead of esteeming ourselves, we can unconditionally accept ourselves as we are. No matter how well we perform, no matter how brilliant our accomplishments, we are always imperfect, fallible human beings.

Conversely, no matter how badly we screw up, we always do some things right as demonstrated by the fact that we have survived this far. It means that we unconditionally accept the reality of who we are and what we are like. This does not involve any overall evaluation of our worth or quality as human beings. It means that nothing that we do will make us believe that we are, in toto, terrific or terrible, heroic or horrible, godlike or goblin-like.

Having unconditionally accepted ourselves, we can then concentrate on what we do and how we can improve it—not because this will make us feel wonderful about ourselves—give us high self-esteem— but because we will then more effectively accomplish the goals we have set ourselves, and feel wonderful about that. They often seem to assume that if you perform well according to their chosen x, this will automatically cause you to esteem yourself highly.

Robert Ringer, for instance, states: What is odd about this view is that Ringer appears to believe that self-esteem wells up spontaneously within you if you do something. You are apparently unable to react in any other way, for example by concluding: What a fascinating specimen I am! Self-esteem advocates often seem to assume that judging your total self is involuntary, and automatic. However, esteeming oneself involves choices among alternatives: To esteem our selves or to rate our selves flows from choices we make in how we will think: If we fail at some endeavor, or a whole series of endeavors, we are not fated to think the worse of ourselves.

If we do draw the conclusion that we are worse as persons because we have failed in some specific endeavors, that conclusion arises from our philosophy of life, our beliefs, our habits of thought. When I say that these are matters of choice, I mean this in the same way that learning a foreign language is a matter of choice.

Changing our habits of rating or not rating ourselves requires repetition and reinforcement over a period of time. In exactly the same way, the horror of a superstitious person when a black cat crosses his path may be automatic and may seem involuntary. But that person can question the validity of his superstitious belief and can, over time, learn to accept that a black cat is not something to be dreaded. The conviction that our self-worth rises or falls according to our performance is indeed a kind of superstition.

The Trouble with Self-Esteem - SMART Recovery

One thousand feet from the summit, exhausted and struggling, Smith chose to turn back. I regretted bitterly that I had quit when others succeeded. As an adult, Smith climbed peaks, paddled white water, and ran hundreds of races. But achieving goals gave a feeling of self-esteem that healed everything. Develop high self- esteem. If you believe you can do just about anything, usually you can. Many people who pursue this approach live their lives either anxiously and compulsively striving to prove themselves instead of enjoying themselves by striving to attain their goals or phobically avoiding challenging and competitive situations.

In the s, Joe Pine, an acerbic conservative TV talk show host, had as his guest the long-haired rock musician Frank Zappa. Pine was prone to surliness, which a leg amputation—he wore a wooden prosthetic—may have exacerbated.

Your AUDIT Result Scores

As soon as Zappa had been introduced and seated, the following exchange occurred:. I guess your long hair makes you a girl. I guess your wooden leg makes you a table. This brings out another of the attendant difficulties with the pursuit of self-esteem. If I am to decide whether I am doing well or badly as a total person, I have to somehow reduce to a common measure all the varied aspects of my performance in different fields, to come up with a single score or rating of my self. Individuals are unique and many-faceted.

Suppose that your daughter is an excellent swimmer but a poor runner, or is well above average in math but well below average in languages, or is often unusually considerate of her little brother but sometimes mercilessly teases him to the point of tears. There is no objective method for making these different behaviors commensurable.

Instead, they tend to fall back on some formula which grossly oversimplifies the picture. For example, a child may become convinced that he is no good because he has done poorly at spelling. Furthermore, people often change—not all at once, overnight, but in particular ways continually. Another problem is that once we get into the habit of thinking that we are good because we have performed well or bad because we have performed poorly, we generally find that this is not symmetrical.

There is something innate in human beings—perhaps it has survival value—to pay attention to what is creating discomfort and to pay no attention to what is going OK. Self-raters therefore tend to drift downward in their self-rating, drawing gloomy conclusions when they fall short, and not fully balancing these with optimistic conclusions when they do well. This tendency is all the more powerful because of a fact I have omitted to mention so far, for the sake of simplicity.

Our moods fluctuate naturally, and hanging our sense of well-being on the peg of our self-rating tends to magnify the mood swings. It is rational to be concerned about your effectiveness in pursuing your goals, and therefore in dealing with problems that arise.

Search form

It is not rational to be concerned about your overall rating as a person. The pursuit of high self-esteem, even where it seems to be working for a while, can be hazardous.

Edelstein, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 25 years experience, is in private practice in San Francisco. He is the author of Three Minute Therapy: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life , a self-help book for overcoming common emotional and behavioral problems. A score of indicates you are likely drinking at low-risk levels, assuming that:. You are not taking a medication that is made dangerous or ineffective by Alcohol.

You do not have a medical condition made worse by alcohol. Self-esteem is about your whole self, not just your body. When you have good self-esteem, you value yourself, and you know that you deserve good care and respect—from yourself and from others. Body image and self-esteem directly influence each other—and your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. The reverse is also true: These are just a few examples. As you can see, good body image, self-esteem, and mental health are not about making yourself feel happy all the time.

They are really about respecting yourself and others, thinking realistically, and taking action to cope with problems or difficulties in healthy ways. As you can see, the problem with negative thinking and feelings is that once people start to focus on shortcomings or problems in one area or one situation, it becomes very easy to only see problems in many other areas or situations.

Negative thinking has a way of leading to more negative thinking. Eat well-balanced meals and exercise because it makes you feel good and strong, not as a way to control your body. Notice when you judge yourself or others based on weight, shape, or size. Ask yourself if there are any other qualities you could look for when those thoughts come up. Find a short message that helps you feel good about yourself and write it on mirrors around your home to remind you to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

Surround yourself with positive friends and family who recognize your uniqueness and like you just as you are. Be aware of how you talk about your body with family and friends. Do you often seek reassurance or validation from others to feel good about yourself? Do you often focus only on physical appearances? Remember that everyone has challenges with their body image at times.

Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Mental Health

When you talk with friends, you might discover that someone else wishes they had a feature you think is undesirable. Are you feeling stressed out, anxious, or low? Are you facing challenges in other parts of your life? Be mindful of messages you hear and see in the media and how those messages inform the way people feel about the way they look.

Recognize and challenge those stereotypes! You can learn more about media literacy at www. Ask your community centre, mental health organization or school about resiliency skills programs, which can help people increase self-esteem and well-being in general. Add up the number of points in each response you circled.

The higher the number, the higher your self-esteem, with a minimum score of zero very low self-esteem and a maximum score of 30 very healthy self-esteem. But if you often have a hard time recognizing your value or worth, think about seeking some extra support. Kelty Eating Disorders from Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre has a lot of information about disordered eating, eating disorders, and healthy living at www. The program finder tool can help you find service providers around BC. Blue Wave at www. Blue Wave has adapted a resiliency course called Living Life to the Full for youth, which includes a session on building confidence, and you can learn how to find courses in your area.

Mindcheck , for youth and young adults, has a section on body image and eating with a screening questionnaire and self-help resources. You can find Mindcheck at www. They have resources on body image, self-esteem, media literacy, and more.

• Far From Paradise (Florida Series Book 2)
• The Best Short Stories and Novellas of Henry James
• JAM Cantonese Flashcards - 99 Verbs
• The Lean Six Sigma Pocket Guide
• How to Plan and Execute Strategy: 24 Steps to Implement Any Corporate Strategy Successfully (The McG
• Jose Raul Capablanca: Third World Chess Champion (Chesscafe World Chess Champions Series) (The Worl