Cooking With Fernet Branca

---

Does anyone know how to get hold of wicked double entendre optional actor John Barrowman? You know, Captain Jack Harkness of Torchwood fame? He is literally missing the key to Murrikin stardom by not reading, optioning, and making this book into a movie. It suits every single national prejudice we have: The characters in this hilarious romp are the most dysfunctional group of misfits and ignoramuses and stereotypes ever deployed by an English-language author.

They do predictable things, yet Hamilton-Paterson's deftly ironic, cruelly flensing eye and word processor cause readerly glee instead of readerly ennui to ensue. The whole bizarre crew And all the time, snarking and judging and learning to depend on each other. In the end, the end is nigh for all the established relationships and the dim, Fernet Branca-hangover-hazed outlines of the new configurations are, well, the English say it best And I dare you not to laugh at these idiots! Don't be put off by the sheer hideousness of the American edition's cover, in all its shades-of-purple garish grisliness.

The charm of reading the book is that one needn't look at that John Barrowman needs to know about this. View all 30 comments. Oct 20, Bonnie rated it really liked it Recommended to Bonnie by: I am laughing again as I turn to this, on page four: The day has dawned bright in every sense and I am making good progress up a ladder painting the kitchen — the most important room in the house — in contrasting shades of mushroom and eau de Nil. It also takes a complete absence of salt-of-the-earth peasants a I am laughing again as I turn to this, on page four: It also takes a complete absence of salt-of-the-earth peasants and their immemorial aesthetic input.

It is all rather heartening and as I work I break cheerfully into song. I have been told by friendly cognoscenti that I have a pleasant light tenor, and I am just giving a Rossini aria a good run for its money when suddenly a voice shouts up from near my ankles: Is open your door, see, and I am come. Gerry finds Marta slovenly and her music absolutely horrible — not recognizing its source. The agent has told each that the other would only be there a month and wanted nothing but seclusion. And there the misunderstandings and misadventures begin. For their first dinner together, she serves him shonka , which Gerry describes as a gross sausage the colour of rubberwear and as full of lumps as a prison mattress.

Gerry provides the dessert — Garlic and Fernet Branca Ice Cream — created to discourage Marta from becoming habitual in her visitations to his habitat. Of course she polishes it off with gusto, washed down with copious draughts of Fernet Branca. At the very least, you will certainly hesitate before sipping an unfamiliar liqueur or tasting an exotic dish, especially after reading the recipe for Alien Pie , which calls for grams of baby beet; a single drop of household paraffin; 1 kg smoked cat, off the bone, and… I expect you get the picture!

View all 7 comments. Oct 30, Jacob Overmark rated it really liked it Shelves: Once in my eternal youth I travelled through Uganda, with a bottle of Fernet Branca held closely to my heart. It soon turns out that tranquility will be hard to find, and the neighbor is very much at home. Even strained from the very beginning, both parties are eager to maintain a good neighbor relationship, if only the other part would leave me in peace! In no particular order, you will encounter a famous film director, a boyband front man, a mysterious night-flyer and a few more who are needed to make the storyline possible.

Add to this a handful of very interesting recipes, recipes in which Fernet Branca will play a not unimportant part, Voynian delicacies and some good advice on DIY.

Get A Copy

And not least a generous share of … Fernet Branca. Sometimes silly, sometimes good-humored, but never boring, this meant-for-entertainment-only-novel gets a solid 4 stars. Aug 22, Sketchbook rated it really liked it. Hamilton-Paterson writes with an assured and idiosyncratic comic spirit. Two crackpot neighbors are thrown together in Tuscany -- a hotspot of distilled lunacy.

Their mischievousness becomes a perfect uncorked stimulant. Meet a Brit ghostwriter for celebs who settles in Tusc to write and cook in peace. Then a hearty woman composer fr Eastern Europe plumps down nearby to ponder a score for a fawncy Italian film director. She happens to have a gangster brother.

See a Problem?

Can they all get along? Is there a screwball life after death View all 5 comments. Aug 17, Oriana rated it really liked it Recommended to Oriana by: I didn't manage to read this in Mexico, though I was told it would be the perfect smart-person airplane book, but I did pick it up as soon as I got back, and it was very much as promised: Cooking With Fernet Branca is dual-ly narrated by two next-door neighbors living on the Italian countryside: Gerard Samper, a very proper Englishman and self-proclaimed "master chef" more on that soon , who makes his money ghostwriting autobiographi I didn't manage to read this in Mexico, though I was told it would be the perfect smart-person airplane book, but I did pick it up as soon as I got back, and it was very much as promised: Gerard Samper, a very proper Englishman and self-proclaimed "master chef" more on that soon , who makes his money ghostwriting autobiographies for idiotic sports stars; and Marta, a somewhat bumpkin-ish composer from Eastern Europe Voynovia, actually who has been commissioned to write a film score for a famous arty and controversial Italian film director.

Gerard and Marta are incredibly well-drawn characters, from her pidgin English and lovingly frazzled appearance to his fastidious mannerisms and constant stream of sarcastic inner monologue. They are both a bit unreliable as narrators, which is done with great subtlety at times, and then become very overt when the narrative switches sides and we get to see the same scene retold through the other's eyes.

Their relationship is so complex, so changing, so real , that it carries the entire book brilliantly. See, they hate each other. I mean, each was told when they bought their houses that their immediate neighbor was quiet and calm, and would only be home maybe one month out of the year. But Marta's brother keeps stopping by in a helicopter in the middle of the night, and Gerard sings horrifically off-key opera while he avoids work by loudly building fences and other such, and each drives the other totally crazy with their drunkenness and terrifying cooking.

And oh, the cooking!! This is where the book's darkest humor shimmers horrifyingly. Gerard, who punctuates his sections with explicitly detailed recipes, loves to cook. And the things he cooks are She — though unwittingly — does about the same thing, by always trying to feed him homemade Voynovian treats, which are every bit as horrifying to his palate as his deep-fried mice would be to hers.

In any case, of course, they bicker and fight and scheme and plot, and eventually work their way into one another's good graces, more or less. There is much much more to this book than I have let on here, but I hope I have at least I plan to get both the other books he's written about Gerard and Marta tout suite , before the fall ends and I am expected to read more, er, serious literature. View all 8 comments. Feb 15, Issicratea rated it liked it Shelves: This is an odd one to judge: There can be something hectoring about someone trying constantly to amuse you.

I also have a very low tolerance of fart jokes.

I was driven to comedy in this instance partly for circumstantial reasons as an antidote to miserable February weather This is an odd one to judge: I was driven to comedy in this instance partly for circumstantial reasons as an antidote to miserable February weather and a miserable February workplace , but partly also because Cooking with Fernet Branca has got some very good reviews. I liked the prospect of a novel narrated by his-and-hers unreliable narrators, and the Italian setting was another lure for me off-piste Italy, as well, high in the Apuan Alps behind Camaiore, north of Lucca.

As someone with the good fortune to be amorously paired with an ambitious cook though happily not quite as ambitious as Gerald , I have picked up enough familiarity with the world of haute culinary fantasy that Hamilton-Paterson is parodying to have a sense of how well done this is. View all 3 comments.

Review: Cooking With Fernet Branca by James Hamilton-Paterson | Books | The Guardian

Mar 17, Tony rated it it was amazing Shelves: I always get excited when I discover a new to me writer whose books are both well written and interesting. This writer is one of those. The author lives and works in Italy, but is thoroughly English. This novel is both literate and comic.

Strange brew

This is the first in a trilogy, and introduces us to two main characters: Gerald Samper and Marta. Gerald is a writer, a ghost writer. He has purchased a villa in northern Tuscany that is relatively isolated so that he can concentrate on his writing. According to the estate agent, the nearest house to his is only occupied one month a year by vacationers.

She bought the house next to his for the same reason: Marta is from Voynovia, a country that was recently a part of the Soviet bloc. She has escaped from her family — especially her domineering father — in order to set her spirits free.

In Voynovia, women, in particular, daughters, are second-class citizens, and live under the thumbs of their male relatives. She is of an indeterminate age; late 30s? She speaks both a pidgin English and a pidgin Italian. Gerald speaks excellent English, of course, and a passable Italian. He is also a devoted and creative chef. His style is to juxtapose ingredients that are not normally admixed to produce a totally new taste sensation.

Many of his recipes are given in the text. As you might have guessed, the two neighbors are immediately like oil and water. The clash of cultures and languages leads to anything but the peace and quiet they were both seeking. These clashes come in the form of riotous situations that will have you laughing as you read along. It is difficult to write a humorous novel, but this author seems to have mastered it completely. Mar 01, Pam rated it really liked it Shelves: Once again, an overly-refined Brit goes to Italy to follow his writing muse.

Please note -- he is a ghostwriter of biographies for celebrities, not a Nobel nominee. That fact does not limit his pretensions whatsoever. Settling into his quaint abode, he is horrified when his new neighbor moves in. Also an expat, she is fleeing her crimelord, overprotective family in Eastern Europe. Now the hijinks begin Footnote -- Fernet Branca is the most vile liqueur I have ever tasted -- Our Writer Hero uses it as the centerpiece for several bizarre recipes of which he is unduly proud. Aug 20, Adrian rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: Funny and eloquent and completely pointless.

Mar 08, Stacia rated it really liked it Shelves: I'd give it 3. Don't read this book while eating Both are rather put out to discover each other, since having a neighbor leads to all kinds of interruptions, misread intentions, noise, etc Here's a fun quote from early in the book after Gerald went to dinner at neighbor Marta's house: Two days have now gone by since our dinner and nary a squeak out of Marta.

I'm counting this as a culinary triumph: Garlic ice cream with Fernet Branca may lack subtlety but it is highly effective and I feel that by giving you the recipe I have placed a pacifist's version of Clint Eastwood's famous. And to my amazement she did, taking not one but three massive helpings. If I were a good neighbour I would have dropped in on her by now to make sure she is still alive.

But I'm not, so I haven't. Within a few minutes, I was sniggering so much that I actually snorted out loud. This as I was trying so hard to keep my laughing to myself as I sat there alone -- you know, I didn't want to be tagged as the crazy lady at that table over there Obviously, so far, so good on this one! Sep 06, Trish rated it really liked it Shelves: Whatever else we can say about James Hamilton-Paterson, he is a very funny man. It may be entangling, and may, after all, be the end of all you hold dear. Gerald Samper, British biographer to the rich and famous, buys an old villa in need of repair in Tus Whatever else we can say about James Hamilton-Paterson, he is a very funny man.

He is told, as is his nearby neighbor, that the owner of the nearby villa is rarely in residence so his quest for privacy and solitude is guaranteed. Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, the resident of the villa he can see from his own is none other than a well-to-do refugee from a Soviet republic, with all her entangling connections. Mussels in Chocolate , say, or Baked Pears in Gorgonzola with Cinnamon Cream , Lampreys in Sherry , Alien Pie , which features smoked cat mixed with baby beets, nasturtium leaves, pureed prunes, and green bacon what on earth…?

But Samper deprecates with good reason the specialties his neighbor offers him, delicacies delivered direct from the former Soviet republic of Voynovia. As described by Samper: There were awesome pellets like miniature doughnuts wrapped in candied angelica leaf and injected with chili sauce.

Cooking with Fernet Branca

Others looked like testicles set in dough. It is about living the good life in Tuscany among other artists—writers, musicians, filmmakers, realtors--magicians of all stripes. And what of Fernet Branca? It is a digestif concocted in Italy that, given as a gift to the new arrivals of Le Roccie, is purchased a second time to return the courtesy, and becomes a central feature of the misunderstandings among the residents and visitors there. This book is indeed witty. If not for the wonderful writing and use of language, I would have rated it lower, for in fact, I didn't enjoy it very much.

Hamilton-Paterson's control is so assured that he can even allow himself occasional moments of lyricism: But the subtlest aspect of the book is its underlying theme. It's no coincidence that the Italian words for "strange" and "foreigner" are cognate. Anyone able to gain legal entry to Australia can become an Australian, but however long you live in Italy and however proficient you may be in the language, you can no more become Italian than you can Welsh.

Thus foreigners who live there have a tendency to become In Gerald's case this takes many forms, not least continually singing - very loudly, from Marta's point of view - extracts from imaginary arias whose lyrics consist of the Italian for "Please don't litter" and "See date on base of tin".

But the principal icon of strangeness is named in the title. For those unfamiliar with Fernet Branca, it might be described as a syrupy alcoholic liqueur flavoured with what tastes like a mixture of aromatherapy essences and dilute Marmite. In small doses it can be quite effective as a hangover palliative, but no one in their right minds would dream of knocking back tumbler after tumbler of the stuff.

Gerald and Marta do it all the time, including lunchtime. It also features in every one of the extremely strange recipes that Gerald cooks up throughout the book.

Indeed, there are so many references to the product that one almost begins to wonder if Hamilton-Paterson hasn't cut a promotional deal similar to the one that Fay Weldon did with Bulgari.

• The Foreign Correspondent
• The Dressmaker: A heartrending saga of a mother’s dream for her daughter
• THE SECRET HISTORY OF OUR TIMES
• Back to School for Grownups: Your Guide to Making Sound Decisions (And How to Not Get Run Over by th
• Child Hunger and Human Rights: International Governance (Routledge Research in Human Rights)
• Slip Your Smile Down My Lap
• 8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder: Effective Strategies from Therapeutic Practice and Perso