Should I Stay Or Go?: How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage

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How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage - Marital Mediation

Please try again later. Every few years a set of insights so simple and brilliant comes along that people are left to ask, "Where has this been? As an attorney and family mediator, I've often been struck by how quickly and automatically many professionals especially attorneys have assumed that spouses who breathe the word "divorce" must immediately be ushered through the legal steps of divorce. Not knowing any differently nor what they could do to see the true range of their options, these poor spouses many of them parents responsible for fragile children end up spending less time planning their separation than planning a Super Bowl party.

In some cases, they are even lured into thinking they can sue each other on their way to a good outcome. Among other things, Ms. Raffel has shown that whether or not a troubled couple ultimately divorces, we professionals owe it to them to show that they have the chance to make their separation as constructive as possible.

And she goes a long way in giving simple but brilliant guidance on the issues a husband and wife can consider to succeed--again, whether they ultimately reconcile or begin a respectful divorce. My experience is that couples who separate without the kind of planning recommended by Ms. Raffel and sadly that's most separating couples are unknowingly embarking on a perilous course without a map, a compass, or even a sense of partnership among the crew. They are virtually predestined to misunderstand and disappoint each other. No wonder so many spouses who separate out of hurt, frustration, or depression end up divorced--even when they didn't need or want a divorce when they separated.

And no wonder so many of them end up not just divorced, but angry, adversarial, and even impaired in their parenting. I hope more spouses thinking them condemned to divorce will take advantage of this remarkable book and resources like [ And I desperately hope more family attorneys and counselors will acquaint themselves with Ms.

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Raffel's gentle, respectful, and long-overdue insights. This book was exactly what I needed when I knew the actual legal separation wouldn't address the problems in my marriage to a positive solution. This book helped us walk through how to separate with love and a joined purpose to work this through to the right conclusion, whatever it might be. It was very helpful and stood alone the positive use of separation as a means to a long and healthy marriage. This book is excellent.

I really like the contract that is in this book. My husband and I used it for our separation and it set the boundaries that we needed. One person found this helpful. Not what I was expecting. The title of the book does not describe the content at all. It's more a detailed instruction book of how to temporarily separate, and how to plan the logistics of the separation.

Should I Stay or Go?: How Controlled Separation (Cs) Can Save Your Marriage

It would probably be good to use along with a therapist if you are a couple trying to plan the details of your separation. Excellent book and innovative concept. Very good case studies; one or two that will likely apply to the reader's own situation. The title misleads just a bit in that I thought the book was going to help me then-and-there as to whether I should stay or go. It deals more with the task of separating and the rules that go along with it, so that you CAN decide whether to stay or go.

This book offers an alternative to radical action that could help save many marriages and preserve the friendship in cases where the marriage is over. It was nice to know there are ways to soften the transition if it is determined that one or both of you do not wish to remain in the marriage. It is also good to hear that in many cases, the author's suggestions helped rock the boat enough that the couple was spurred to actions that resulted in not only saving the marriage, but restoring the relationship to health.

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Published on August 4, Published on January 25, Published on April 16, Published on January 27, The book itself is valuable because it Published on January 22, Published on November 17, Published on May 30, Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read. Want to Read saving…. Want to Read Currently Reading Read. Refresh and try again. Open Preview See a Problem? Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Preview — Should I Stay or Go? Should I Stay or Go?: Until now, couples facing the dilemma of deciding whether or not to stay in an unhappy marriage had three options: Should I Stay or Go?

Paperback , pages. Should I Stay Or Go? To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Should I Stay or Go? Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Jul 23, Malbadeen rated it it was ok Recommends it for: Here's the short answer: You should go and your probably going to end up divorced in the long run.

Jan 25, Joanne rated it liked it. An entirely different take on what a separation is usually thought of, this book presents an option that most of us would never even consider: In this case, what that means is being separated during a marriage but doing so in a way that forces both parties involved to really consider what they are doing and what they want in a way that few couples on the brink of dissolution rarely do. The end result differs for each couple of course, but my experience with it is that it An entirely different take on what a separation is usually thought of, this book presents an option that most of us would never even consider: The end result differs for each couple of course, but my experience with it is that it's allowed us to remain amicable and relieved a lot of the animosity that usually goes hand in hand with the chaos of separation.

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It's a bit tedious with the different cases but I suspect a lot of people benefit from finding a couple that seem to share their particular crisis. Perhaps I found that tedious as none of the couples seemed to have anything in common with what I myself was experiencing and felt impatient reading about all of them. Even if you don't plan to separate in actuality it may just shake some ideas loose that you may not have considered. And if you're planning to separate without hope of reuniting, the same ideas can show a way to do so smoothly and with far greater ease than most ever experience.

Jun 13, Kelly rated it really liked it. Many detailed and varied stories of relationships and how uniquely they saved their relationships. A new way of thinking for many but it's based on old and study principles.

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