Knock-y -- uh, thats not right

The Butter Shave

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I'm sorry, you know I'm a Bianchi guy! Later, wary of sounding like a pervert, Blake tells one of the future babes to "suck my d Have several examples, many making various blooper specials: Host Jim Lange, interviewing a contestant who is an avid golfer, replies to a remark about kissing his clubs for luck that when he Lange golfs, he kisses his balls for good luck. The audience breaks out laughing as Lange gives a "what'd I say" look, as he was referring to his golf balls, not his anatomy. The possible explanation for the "shoots his weapon" answer and more specifically the resulting uproarious audience laughter offered to a rather benign question, "What does James Bond do in a sexy way?

Although it was more a case of Gene Rayburn misspeaking in the infamous blooper reel outtake where he was trying to complement a pretty contestant's dimples but instead said "nipples. A contestant picks her two letters, both of which end up being "P". After being informed of this, she says "I guess I'll take a P.

From the NBC edition of the game show Jackpot! First you make a sale then open my drawer. A cash register , you louse!! Numerous instances, but Stiles is always making them. In "In or Out," Betty says that the severely depressed Daniel needs to "get back on the horse" and start dating again.

Later, she stands up, says "I'm gonna find him another horse to ride," marches resolutely off camera, then returns to add "that didn't sound so dirty in my head. When she comes to deliver pizzas she complains that her new haircut makes her look like an eight-year-old boy. Later on when she comes back, Ross says impulsively thinking that it'll be a compliment that he "happens to like" eight-year-old boys.

Ross was the Mayor of doing this on that show. In a late season, he's trying to convince Rachel's ex-boss to rehire her, and he learns that the man's son is into dinosaurs. I'll let your son come to the museum, late at night after everyone is gone, and he can touch anything he wants! OK, I just heard that the way you must have heard it. I mean you'll be there too, and the touching just refers to bones — Fossils! Rachel had her moments too, like this line to Ross while they were sleeping together; Rachel: That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: It's like a meat party in my mouth. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up — you know? That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in. He wanted to ask you out last year, but you weren't ready then. But I think you're ready now, or at least in the state of pre-readiness to make conversation, or-or to do that thing with your mouth that boys like I didn't mean the bad thing with your mouth, I meant that little half-smile thing that you You're supposed to stop me when I do that.

And Buffy herself, in the Musical Episode , talking to Spike. So you're just here to pump me for information? What else would I want to pump you for? Anya, comforting Willow after Tara has been driven insane: You can sleep with me! That came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head. Anya is disappointed that Souled Spike didn't fight a demon to the death when Buffy and Robin Wood walk into the conversation. No need to thank me. I'm just the one who beat him off. Repelled him would perhaps be the better phrase. Buffy explaining why she's not ready for a real relationship namely with Angel: I'm cookie dough, I'm not done baking yet, I'm not done becoming whoever the hell it is I'm going to be Buffy even managed to do this without saying anything: In the episode where demons had stolen everybody's voices, she mimed a staking by jerking her hollowed right hand up and down, before she realized what that gesture normally refers to.

Meanwhile, fighting and commotion occur just outside their door; Giles wonders why they didn't hear anything: Do you really think they were keeping it up? Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers, and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat. Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong. When I kissed you? You know I was thinking about Giles, right?

Double Take You know, I always wondered about you two. And Xander after interrogating Andrew Xander: I want you, Lindsey. Yeah, I'd be a lot more comfortable if you did. From the Season 2 premiere: You can't see everything. You're just a vampire, like everyone else. Fred and Gunn, tracking Holtz by the radiation given off after crossing dimensions: We've been tracking Conner's emissions this whole time! I could go without ever hearing that phrase again. In the episode "Guise Will Be Guise", Wesley has been hired as a bodyguard for and subsequently slept with a young woman named Virginia.

A confused Angel, thinking he's talking about the state, asks, "You were in Virginia? Also when Illyria says that she no longer has intercourse with Wesley, then has to explain to a startled Spike that Wesley is no longer talking to her. When Lindsey and Eve are making out: What are you thinking about? You simply couldn't have said a worse thing than that. Of course, you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I've got my hands on a couple.

Mal and Jayne glance at each other and start snickering Badger: Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Soon, every guy in this college will be in my pants Usually Martin does the "Wait for it. Cox, you may have seen it all and done it all, but you haven't done me! Elliot walks off, as all the other doctors and nurses gasp Cox: Give her a second there, gang.

Elliot gets a LOT of these. Cox to treat her as his second-in-command as he does J. JD often strays into "accidentally gay" territory. For instance, when congratulating Turk: You must be dancing on the wind right now! Wow, you're my doctor. I have something for you in my pants. I'm not wearing any pants right now.

My pants are over there and there's a note from my GP in the pocket.

If you need me, I'll be under here. Janitor, I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out. When did you see my penis? Last night, when you were showering. Oh, I was outside, in the bushes. Look, it was just a coincidence, man — I mean, if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know! Because I had it out while I was looking at yours! Not only does Tobias phrase things horribly, he constantly finds himself in ambiguously-homosexual scenarios, seemingly oblivious of his consistent, perhaps subconscious involvement in them.

When Michael plays matchmaker, Tobias says: Michael, you really are quite the cupid. You can zink your arrow into my buttocks any time. After painting himself blue: I'm afraid I just blue myself. Tobias' errors are not always spoken, but sometimes written. I was a professional twice over — an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards. Tobias wants to be cast as a leading male role in a major film. So naturally, he says: Ooh, I can taste those meaty, leading man parts in my mouth!

Tobias agrees to be a wing man by helping pick up chicks. And he'll do it! Even if he ends up with a fat girl. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up. Some of his lines are so bad, they don't even work as a double entendre. I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks, so to speak. When pretending to be a British nanny serving breakfast: Featherbottom Who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, I forgot, here in the States you call it a sausage in the mouth! We just call it a sausage. An excerpt from Tobias' self-help book, The Man Inside Me , which was notably popular in the gay community: There's a man, deep inside me, and only when he's finally out can I walk free of pain.

At Michael's suggestion, Tobias records his comments for a day with a tape recorder and replays them, finally realizing there is something wrong with his phrasing. Possibly the best example comes after he buys a date with Lindsey at a charity auction and accidentally spends their spa date while testing it out.

Unfortunately, I prematurely shot my wad on what was initially supposed to be a dry run, if you will. Now, I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Wow, there are so many poorly chosen words in that statement. Ironically, in the same episode, Michael tries to confess to betraying Tobias's trust.

I screwed my brother-in-law. In season 4, he can't even get a Vanity License Plate without this happening. He takes Lucille's arrest as a sign to make a new start to his life. So, he gets a license plate reading "a new start". However, to make it fit, he spells "new" as "nu" and removes the spaces. She hadn't even seen the license plate. In an episode of Seinfeld , Jerry's asking his girlfriend a deaf lip-reader what time she wants to arrive at a party: You got a problem with six?

Jerry's girlfriend looks horrified and runs out Sonny with a Chance: Sonny started watching Mackenzie Falls and desperatley asks Chad what will happen next between his character and the female leading role. However, Chad misinterprets this as Sonny begging him to ask her out and shouts out "Sonny, will you go out with me? Ironically, this trope is what led to the start of their romantic relationship. Stargate SG-1 Episode "Urgo": A strong enough EM pulse can knock out most electronic-based technologies.

It would be harmless to us, but it should render Urgo impotent. If you don't take the job, we could end up with someone much worse. Okay, that didn't come out right. Carter is just good at these. There's one in season 6's "Forsaken": For a supposedly less advanced human you're pretty comfortable with our technology.

Well, you're in luck. I have a little more experience with this sort of thing than most people on my planet. Besides, all we're really doing is plugging your ship into my battery. That didn't sound very good, did it? The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: In one episode, Uncle Phil is planning to invite his would-be high school sweetheart to dinner, with Will partaking with him in viewing some old school photos of the two of them together, which Phil clearly still having the hots for her.

Then Vivian walks in Well finally, after two years, I realized that Janice wasn't gonna have me, so I settled for Vivian. Vivian slams her purse down and storms upstairs OH! That came out wrong! Runs after her Will: Rodney is attracted to a female scientist on the world Taranis and comes up with the following. He doesn't say the trope-namer, but realizes it and then digs himself deeper. Perhaps one day I could study under you.

Uh, yes, well, I really But first, we need to, uh, get off. Uh, first we need to get off the planet The Office US features this from time to time. It is best seen in the "Women's Appreciation" episode after Phyllis gets flashed in the parking lot: I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing: I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would've been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it'd been Jim. He would not have wanted to me to have seen Jim's When Toby Michael's archrival shows up late to find Michael mocking the incident by sticking his finger through his fly.

I don't think this is an appropriate response. Speaking of that, where were you this morning, anyway? Let's see your penis! From the "Bachelor Party" episode Michael: Sort of a guys' night out. Actually, it's more of a guys' afternoon in. It's a bridal shower for guys. A hour-long shower with guys. And when Michael is deciding on a new username for an online dating site , he settles on LittleKidLover , so others would know where his priorities lie.

The Hollywood Squares had an infamous cut section when John Davidson who tried to keep up a clean-cut pretty boy image got this question: Well, on the whole of the matter It's my fault London left. She hated a lot of things on this boat besides you. Occasionally on Top Gear. Adding to the humor is that the worst offender is the sober, serious-minded James May, who often realizes his mistake a few seconds later, tries nobly to continue with a straight face, and then loses it shortly thereafter.

I'm now straddling my boyhood hero! One segment involving the gang trying to build a kit car has an entire scene full of this, though they don't realize it, while they're putting the brakes together. Gems include "I am now pumping", "I need more", and "Oh yeah, that's good, that's nice and hard. In "Okay Awesome", after Robin's overblown sense of worldliness lands her in trouble: I get recognized once and I think I'm Julia Roberts!

I'm not a VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P sitting in the gutter. Oh honey, I'd take a P in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day. Well, if no one wants to play with me, then I'm just going to go to my room and play with myself. I meant, by myself. In the episode "Lyin' King", Audrey tells Jeff to stop ribbing their gay friends, which elicits this response: What's the point of having gay friends if I can't ride them every now and again. Another example from "The Birthday Deal": And each year, when I'm doing it, I'll be thinking of you. I didn't hear it. Eureka In the pilot episode: He claims aliens abducted some of his cattle again, so Tell him to call me when they move on to anal probes.

Cobb and Zoe stare Lupo: There was also a moment in an episode where Zane and Fargo are arguing about backdoor access to GD from the smart house's system. Jo gets sick of it: Boys, there's plenty of backdoor access for everyone! In another episode, Carter is talking to Zoe's best friend Pillar about the surprise party they're planning.

Allison teases him for it. I thought you were into young brunettes? No, no, I'm into old brun Didn't come out right, did it? When Allison is pregnant and a Blob Expy is terrorizing the town Jack makes a series of poorly worded statements throughout the episode that come off as comments about her increasing weight, culminating with the following. Just be careful Carter. I should be able to handle a mindless eating machine. You looked at me again. No, no, I was the In "The Unnatural", Mulder is pressing close against Scully while teaching her how to swing a baseball bat.

It's not a bad piece of ash, huh? Scully gives him a look Mulder: I'm talking about the bat. And in "Monday", after Mulder's waterbed sprung a leak. I woke up, I opened my eyes, I was soaking wet It's a long story. And in "Empedocles", though that was Mulder taking something dirty from nothing. Mulder arrives at Scully's apartment, and is a little miffed that she was expecting someone else.

I was just about to hop in the shower, but I was waiting for the pizza man. You got something going on with the pizza man I should know about? Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but you did just say you were waiting for the pizza man to hop in the shower. Season 2's finale, "Twilight": I should just take you home and get you into bed.

Ducky and Tony look at her Okay, that didn't come out like it was supposed to. McGee's attempts to explain what he's doing to a tech-ignorant Gibbs on full Death Glare sounds like a Freudian Slippery Slope version of this trope. And Ducky in Season 4's "Dead and Unburied", talking about finding footprints on carpets: It looks like Sisal. It's a naturally stiff fiber woven from the leaf of the cactus plant. It doesn't mat, trap dust, or build static. It's ideal for carpeting, but personally, I prefer a good shag. Also happened verbally when the discussion had turned to the preferred synonym for "breasts".

Straight Gay Stephen Fry proclaimed "I like 'titties'" and spent the rest of the episode living it down. In the Series 10 episode "Jargon", Stephen discusses the number of times the word "ejaculate" is used in the Sherlock Holmes novels The word "ejaculate" in the 19th century meant "exclaim". At one point Stephen states, "There were 23 ejaculations in the Holmes Canon", which prompted Bill Bailey to laugh uproariously.

At one point, Jimmy Carr ejaculated , "This is the most fun I've ever had on this show! So the quicker it's chirping, the hotter it is?. No, no, no, no, no. I'm simply not having it! In the first episode of Sleuth one of the female suspects, while attempting to explain that she spent her nights alone cleaning, says: Castle says to Beckett: I'm rubbing off on you. Later, one that wasn't dirty, merely accidentally insulting: I'm a rat killer!

You don't know that! You may just be a loser! This did not come out right. After he scored free samples of an expensive shaving cream for Ryan and Esposito, Beckett compares them to Charlotte and Miranda. Wait a minute, that would make me Carrie. You're so metrosexual for even knowing that! I only watched that show out of the corner of my eye when my mother had it on! That so did not come out right.

While investigating the murder of a stripper: Are we going to pump Von Manschaft until he pops? Take your hands off your tool now! Ryan and Esposito glance at each other and start sniggering Beckett: Cut back to the current time, her response: I can't help it if you get off by putting things in my mouth. Winslow and Shawn stare at him oddly Gus: I mean, I had sheets with you on them when I was a kid.

And this exchange, from the same episode: These hands are not touching anyone. I only use these hands to touch myself. Uh, let me rephrase that. Another one, from season five, episode thirteen, "We'd Like to Thank the Academy": You can't beat me on the field so now you want to beat me off? You may want to rephrase that, sir. Yeah, I like Wang! I've been mocked many, many times before.

The One Where Heckles Dies

In another episode, Dr. Gordon Gordon Wyatt announces his plans to retire from psychiatry and become a chef: So now I'll be putting good things into people instead of taking bad things out, which I admit sounds dreadfully Freudian, but Sigmund's been largely discredited anyway, so to hell with him. Attempting to reassure the shocked Rory, the Doctor takes pains to stress that he's a lucky man, because she's a great kisser. One awkward, hostile silence later: Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine Well, I dragged them along, kicking and screaming.

Which made it sound like more fun than if actually was. In Dad's Army , Captain Mainwaring manages to get a block of rationed cheese as a surprise for his wife. However, when he telephones her with the good news, things don't quite go as he planned. I think I may have a little surprise for you tonight Lets just pretend I didn't say that. A classical example; the best part is that he doesn't even bother with the beat, realizing halfway through the sentence that he is in trouble: Hey, Troy sneezes like a girl!

And how about I pound you like a boy? The outtake from "Beginner Pottery". Gotta get it wet again. As he voices his disgust, the other study group members twist his words into gay innuendo. He eventually yells "Stop putting gay things in my mouth! An exchange between Emma and Mickey in Hustle: How would you like it if I drooled over you?

Forget I asked that. In the Quantum Leap episode "Dr. Ruth", the prudish Sam is incredibly uncomfortable when he leaps into the eponymous sex therapist and has to read some promos for her radio show: Tomorrow on "Frank Talk About Sex", we're going to discuss some common male sexual dysfunctions, like prema-t-ture Well, we're gonna discuss a lotta things that I'm sure will be very stimulating.

It happens when Eric and Donna were going to have a romantic dinner together. Oh, this is so cute! It'll be just like the little Play-Doh dinner you had when you were kids, except it won't end with Donna sitting on Eric's head! Kitty, that was just awful. In another episode, the guys use spray paint to remove the "ler" from the word "muffler" wherever it appears on a muffler shop.

Kitty is initially confused, but is noticeably angry when she finds out what "muff" means to them. To her it always meant a furry tube for one's hands. She loudly complains that she no longer feels comfortable keeping her lovely gray muff, which she used to wrap Eric in when he was a baby. You're gonna cook for me? Well, don't ever expect me to return the favor. Unless you're a fan of toast.

I would love to eat your toast. Later, Dexter being willing to run a test off the record: If you need something under the table Also, after Angel started a bar-brawl defending Marias honor. The line isn't too bad in and of itself, but given that Vince Masuka is the resident pervert, La Guerta immediately takes it the wrong way. You should be polishing his lance.

Whose Line Is It Anyway? From a game called " Secret ": You really didn't have to put your ear in it. From a Press Conference game Colin is Batman coming out of the closet: How's the partner feel about this? Well, of course he's a little worried, because he depends on me for a lot of the income. You might want to rephrase that now. Before you come, Tarzan only have animals.

Animals think Tarzan forget about them now. A rare moment of comedy in Sex Traffic: Uh, I didn't mean-I didn't mean it like that The Drew Carey Show: When Drew anticipates his revenge on some guys who put cigarettes in his beer: We'll shove our butts in their mugs, see how they like the taste of that! I know, I regretted it the minute I said it.

In another episode, Drew and the others end up going to the store after hours to look through Mimi's desk, as Drew believes she's up to something. Wick comes out of his office with a woman, causing the others to hide. Before leaving with the woman, Mr. Wick takes some candy from Drew's desk to share with her. After they leave, the others come out of hiding, and Drew loses his patience: No one puts their hands in Drew Carey's drawers and pulls out his goodies!

Oswald and Lewis start giggling Coupling When Susan finds out that all of her friends want to see her sex-tape with Patrick. What is it with you lot? Why do you all have this desperate desire to see me naked? Oh Susan, no one wants to see you naked. Steve does this at least as often as Jeff: So nice to know that the first time we were intimate you were busy noticing all the little differences from perfect, freckle-free Jane.

No, I hardly noticed any difference at all! On Everybody Loves Raymond , Robert gets into this situation with Amy when she comes over to patch up their relationship. Every time I date a guy, I keep thinking of you. Modern Family Pulled off hilariously by Cam. Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?

You do it all the time. And you know what I end up with? I heard it as soon as I said it, just leave it alone. In one Valentine's Day episode, Phil demonstrates his ability to tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue. He unfortunately follows it up by saying "I can tie any kind of knot. It's like I've got a sailor in my mouth". In fact, Phil makes such a habit of this that after another one in "Yard Sale" "I've had bigger hogs than this between my legs" , Jay remarks "He really oughta run things through his head first".

In the Becker episode where he is Mistaken for Racist , he confronts the journalist who libeled him. Everything I say is motivated by stupidity! Rick provides a dramatic version of one of these when he tells Shane that he wouldn't understand his plan to go to CDC because Lori and Carl aren't his family, when it was Shane that took care of them while he was gone. The Big Bang Theory: Literal example in "The Roommate Transmogrification": What happened to Leonard? The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus.

He was replaced by a superior species. I'm the new Homo in town. Much like Tobias from Arrested Development above, Raj does this a lot. Everyone notices it but him. Oh man, the first monster I see, I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand, and shoot my magic all over his ass. Do you hear yourself when you say these things? When the guys make a plan to save Santa from a dungeon: Screw that noise, I'm going in.

Hang on Santa, I'm coming for you. Immediately after his character dies: Wait, doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me. Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud. When Penny invites Raj out to Girls Night: I want to build a road, but I need wood.

Either of you fellas have wood? Raj and Howard giggle I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now, I have sheep, I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep? Why are you making it so hard? After Amy and Bernadette get in an argument over Sheldon and Howard's parking spot feud in "The Parking Spot Escalation", Bernadette fires a shot at Amy's celibate relationship then storms out: I'm gonna go home and have sex with my husband!

Maybe I'll even let him do it to me in a parking spot! An unintentional Crowning Moment of Funny occurred on The Gruen Transfer during a discussion of an ad for women's razors. A female panelist commented that the majority of young males had never seen female pubic hair. Russel then remarked "Except for their mother's". As the rest of the panel collapsed in a mix of shock, disbelief and hilarity, Russel hurriedly tried to explain that he had meant when they were born, but the explanation was lost under the hysterical laughter.

That's not what I meant. But as he stands before all of the fighters, he reconsiders and decides the unruly fighter, Junie, should fight and lose, leaving the show that way. He says, "This isn't fucking Survivor. You don't fucking vote him off. So what was the adventure? I'm still a little sore. Oh no, I mean horseback riding.

Did you think you could get away from me that easily? We've run away from a lot worse than you, buddy! Ooh, that didn't come out right at all. Parks and Recreation , after cheating her way to fishing glory: But it feels pretty good to have a bunch of little boys be super into me. A staple joke of The Nanny is for C. They're fumigating my apartment. They've done that before. You always come back. Death Glare at Niles So I need to find a kennel.

Oh, treat yourself to a hotel. Angela cannot text, apparently, because she sent Jane a message that said "Homie, I need a boner. From the Veronica Mars episode "Versatile Toppings": I need you to get me into a restricted website. It's a Neptune High gay chatroom. No, I'm just curious. There's a beat as Veronica realizes what she's said.

Curious as to what's posted on the website, more accurately. Felicity from Arrow is a fountain of these. Her very first appearance in the series gives us this gem of a conversation: Hi, I'm Oliver Queen. I know who you are. Queen was my father. Right, but he's dead I mean, he drowned but you didn't. Which means you can come down to the IT department and listen to me babble.

Which will end in If I had more time to think of that sentence it wouldn't have sounded so dirty. And by me I mean my ear. I'm going to stop talking right now. When Detective Lance suspects her of helping the vigilante and asks during a criminal interrogation how she would describe hacking, her reply is, "A hobby Soon after they meet, she blurts out: And by it, I mean your speed in case you thought I was talking about something else which I was not! What are you doing? You should go back to your hotel, get some sleep. Not go back to my hotel!

Get some sleep I mean. When referring to working with The Arrow, "I love spending the night with you— three, two, one Down here's a cave. Stay at my place tonight—I mean I won't be there. I'm pulling an all-nighter at Kord Industries. I'll think about it.

You've been sleeping on the floor. You need to be in my bed—I mean Sometimes I don't know why I talk. In The King of Queens , Doug and Carrie are staying in a hotel and play-fighting over the mini-bar key: Now why don't you come over here and give me your mini-bar key? Sorry, I meant that cute but it came out hurtful. That's alright, just shakin' it off. Mash Frank, addressing the 's assembled troops: So if there are any problems, you may bring them to me, or to our fine adjutant here, Major Houlihan.

Now, talking to the Major is the same as talking to me, since we are intimate with each other at all times. Potter is told that the nurses have a problem with the men using up all the hot water for the showers and leaving the place messy. You're a smart, strong, young girl, so screw boys! Fitz talking to Skye in the pilot Fitz: When you get back, I'll show you my thing. It's not my- it's my hardware.

During "The Bank Job" we get this exchange over the phone, no less Henry: I'm the geek, you're the doc. I do tech, you do drugs. In "Takes One to Know One", Joxor speculates that Minya's motive for the murder might be that she "loves horses too much". After a pause, and several odd looks from the other characters, he continues "Let me rephrase Supernatural , season 2, "Everybody Loves a Clown": Dean brings news of the latest deaths to Sam, who tries to complete Dean's sentence: Two more last night.

Apparently they were ripped to shreds. And they had a little boy with them Gives Sam a strange look. Bareilles [ regarding Afro Blue ]: If the quarters become cramped, you're always welcome in one of my beds The Thin Blue Line: Take this example from "Kids Today", in which he fondly describes his childhood Mechano sets, much to Habib's amusement: They'll never know the joy a young lad can have sitting alone in his room When Simon attempts to pick up Samantha, thinking that the year might reset again, he says she should act fast because tomorrow "he will have forgotten all about her".

Realising what he has just said, he says "That didn't come out right" and she dumps a drink on him. A couple episodes of Boston Legal featured a Spanish-speaking man who needed a translator's help to testify in court, only for the translator to realize that the his testimonies involving a cockfighting ring and a ten-year-old matador are prime innuendo fodder. For added hilarity, the translator was a nun.

Guess I'm a sucker for stray dogs and naked guys.

The Vulcan first officer T'Pol reacts with her usual Arbitrary Skepticism , telling Captain Archer, "It is unlikely we could reproduce" adding quickly "Humans and Vulcans" when Archer gives her a startled look. In Would I Lie to You? After David's team came to the unanimous decision that Gaby's story was the truth, Jack Dee drops a joke that becomes this.

I think we think it's the manhole? Let's call her Gaby for now. That was far ruder than I If I had thought that joke through I wouldn't have said it. In one episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show depicting the events of Rob and Laura's honeymoon, one of Rob's army buds is trying to help him duck army regulations to go off base for his honeymoon: Sam, I want to go on this honeymoon with Laura as much as you do.

In Faking It , Principal Penelope unveils her plan to make Hester the most accepting school on the planet: In this instance, there's no verbal backspace because Penelope doesn't realize the other meaning for STI and no one bothered to tell her. And with your help, we'll share our STI with the world! Amy watching from a tablet: How did nobody catch that? In "A Delicate Touch", Brian is attempting to subtly quiz Sandra about how much the team members are paid.

He starts by asking "Are you fully cognizant of the size of my packet? Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! Episodes Overview Scripts Contact. Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community! The Butter Shave Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? Jerry Seinfeld Jason Alexander George Costanza Julia Louis-Dreyfus Elaine Benes Michael Richards Cosmo Kramer Guest Stars: Kenny Banya Patrick Warburton David Puddy Gordon Jump Old Woman Matthew Fonda Vegetable Lasagna Shannon Whirry Cute Girl Nancy Balbirer Cab Driver George Georgiadis Cab Driver Brian Callaway Passenger No monologue Exterior of Monk's coffee shop.

Cut to Jerry and George at their regular booth. A newspaper blocks out view of George's face. He lowers the paper to reveal Jerry also wearing a moustache: What do you mean, 'what is it? No, that's the Netherlands. Then who are the Dutch? Jerry picking at his moustache: You know I cannot stand this thing anymore. I know, I hate it too. I feel like an out of work porn star. I told you, we should have taken some kind of vacation. Well why didn't we?

Because you said this would be better. A vacation from ourselves. That's what you said. What if we grew muttonchops? I'm sorry, you've gotta get a job. George approaches Jerry at the bar of a nightclub, carrying a cane. Hey hey hey, check me out, huh? No more crutches, that must be a relief.

Yeah, with crutches everyone has questions. Not with a cane? Nah, with crutches it's a funny story, with a cane it's a sad story. You through with those? George uses the cane handle to drag a bowl of pretzels over from the other end of the bar. Always a sad story. Hey, you should have been here tonight. Some guy from NBC saw my set, he wants me to do a showcase. I might have another shot at a pilot.

Alright, we're back in! Club announcer off camera: Ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Bania. Applause from off camera, then Bania walks up to the bar. Thank you, thank you, To Jerry Hey, Jerry, didja see me up there? I was killing, Jerry. Good looking ones, too! Hey, what's your name? Because I killed first and warmed up the crowd. He's like that fish that attaches himself to the shark. And you're the shark? Yeah, I'm the shark and he's the fish eating my laughs.

Claptrap/Quotes | Borderlands Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia

I don't know how a fish could eat laughs. Well, I'm glad I brought it up. George and Jerry are there, clean shaven, George is on the phone. Kramer walks in wearing a moustache. Got any shredded coconut? Jerry looking at Kramer's moustache: Uh, we're not doing that anymore. I got a job interview. They want to see me this afternoon. So what's this job? Welcome back to the show. Kramer walks back in, clean shaven. Yeah, this is better. So, you got any shredded coconut? George holding his cane: I gotta switch shaving cream. I'm getting no protection. What kind do you use?

Claptrap/Quotes

Look, postcard from Elaine from Europe. Don't tell me she's dragging another poor guy across Europe. She's dating him again, huh? Well, I guess she's batted around and she's back at the top of the order. Boy, a month in Europe with Elaine. That guy's coming home in a body bag.

Atlas map of Scandinavia with Oslo, Norway highlighted. Cut to Elaine and Puddy in the back seat of a taxi. Well, let's see, I've got a ten kroner, a five kroner, a twenty kroner. No wait, that's another ten kroner. How much is that? We have to break up. I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag! Well what about you? Forget about The Gap because we are through! Have a nice flight. Interior of an airplane. Elaine and Puddy are seated together. Ladies and gentlemen, our flight time, with stopovers, will be approximately 22 hours.

Elaine to flight attendant: Hey, you gonna bust out that drink cart or what? Kramer and Jerry are there. Hey, what are you doing? Oh, I'm taking this lace out. It came undone and touched the floor of a men's room. That's the end of that. Did you see Bania's set last night? He only does well when he has me for a lead-in. He's a time slot hit. Well, you gotta give him some credit. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Do I have to ask? I ran out of butter so I had to borrow yours. Kramer starts to walk out, Jerry grabs him by the shirttail and drags him back.

Why are you buttering your face? I'm shaving with it. Oh Moses smell the roses. Jerry, it's vastly superior to any commercial shaving cream. Now feel my face.

NOVEMBER, 2019

I don't want to. Jerry places two slices of bread against Kramer's face: Kramer takes the bread and eats it as he walks out of Jerry's apartment. George's job interview at Play Now Sporting Goods. I got the job? I don't want you to think that anyone's gonna treat you any differently just because of your, uh, handicap. Yeah, I didn't mean that.

Of course you will have your own private, fully equipped bathroom. When do I start? Whenever you feel that you're able. Rises to show George out Um, you need a hand here. Yeah, what the hell. George and Jerry are in their regular booth. You got the job? I love the people over there. They treat me so great.

The One With The Truth About London

You know they think I'm handicapped, they gave me this incredible office, a great view. Hold on, they think you're handicapped? Yeah, yeah, well, because of the cane. You should see the bathroom they gave me! How can you do this? Jerry, let's face it, I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it. Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage. There was a guy that worked at the Yankees-- no arms! He got more work done than I did, made more money, had a wife, a family, drove a better car than I did. He drove a car with no arms?

Alright I made up the part about the car, but the rest is true. He hated me anyway! Do you know how hard it's getting just to tell people I know you? I love that bathroom. It's got that high, high toilet.

I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building. Kramer walks up holding an institutional sized container of butter. They hooked me up. What's with all the butter? I'm shaving with it, and you know what I discovered? You can eat it? No, my face feels so good, I'm gonna use it all over my body. Jerry smirks, Kramer walks away. Oh my god, it's Bania and Jenna. The tooth brush in the toilet bowl. Bania and Jenna walk over. Hey Jerry, this is Jenna. Pretty good lookin' huh?

Jerry's the guy that I dated right before you. After dating Jerry, you're a pleasure. Bania and Jenna leave. I don't believe this. You miss her, don't you? He's riding my coattails again. He's getting everything off me, first laughs now ladies. Puddy and Elaine on the plane. Puddy to flight attendant: You know I think ultimately, I'm upset with myself. I knew what I was getting into, she's a bitter, unstable person. I mean the sex was good. I'm sure it was fine for her. Elaine to another passenger: Excuse me, I was sleeping.

You missed quite a performance. Elaine drinks from a can of juice. That's my apple juice. With "Morning Train" by Sheena Easton as the background, George rides up the stairs on a rail, is carried through the hall by a woman, is caught 'fencing' with his cane and fakes a lame knee, and trips a co-worker with the cane handle and gets laughs from everyone, including the man he tripped. Jerry walks into his apartment sniffing the air, followed closely by Newman.

You know, old friend, sometimes I ponder this silly gulf between us and I say, "Why? For what is-- Jerry cutting in: I'm not the one doing the cooking, Newman. Um, somebody's got something on the griddle. No, he's up on the roof getting some sun with the butter - pause - Oh no!

Back to the airplane. Elaine and Puddy indirectly attack each other. Passenger explaining the coins to Elaine: You know my last boyfriend, he had a real kroner comprehension problem. No what I mean? A real cement head. Puddy and the woman across the aisle share a laugh.

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