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A toddler may be twenty eight to thirty eight inches tall, and if you're an average sized adult coming in at sixty eight inches, you're at least twice the kid's size; no imagine that you, at your adult height, encounter an adult who is one hundred thirty six inches tall - and they proceed to spank, slap or beat you.
How much power would you have against such a monster? One hundred thirty six inches translates as eleven feet four inches. That's how we appear to small children, children who are hard-wired from birth to implicitly trust Daddy and Mommy. When this eleven foot monster suddenly attacks with physical violence, the trust that you - the smaller one in all of this - have in them cannot be avoided. It's in your DNA. You'll turn it inwards. You'll tell yourself that you must be evil, you must be defective and that you deserve your punishment. The notion that Mom and Dad are flawed only begins to emerge long after the damage has begun.
So it is that far too many of us have our basic human dignity insulted, made an outcast in our own minds and hearts. Miller uses the life of Adolph Hitler as her case in point. There is a lot of material about him which has been available for decades and this includes his upbringing.
His father, like many Teutonic fathers, beat young Adolph at every turn for infractions real and imaginary. And like many good parents, if he cried, his father would yell at him to stop crying and would punctuate the command with more slaps, belt-whippings, yelling. To the Shickelgrubers this was normal. If you think this is normal, welcome to the Hitler household.
This is not easy reading. It was not intended to be easy reading. At the same time Miller's German original was artless and the English translation by Hildegarde and Hunter Hannum is as near-flawless as a translation can be, preserving Miller's clear lucid prose. You simply cannot misunderstand her.
If you wish to break the cycle of perpetuating violence against children - especially your children - you can do no better than starting with this book. After I read it through for the first time, I got my three kids together and promised them that I would never hit them again and we talked for hours afterward about how this startling new promise of mine came about.
I am embarrassed to report that I did break that promise once. And in all candor, it took another thirty years to work my rage problems and narcissistic traits down to humane size; but my work began with this book and I thank Alice Miller for it. Nancy Talbot Top Contributor: Alice Miller is one of my favorite writers. I first read her in a college class, and I still seek her out. If you experienced abuse as a child, this book may be difficult to read simply because it is so truthful. I bought it months ago and have only been able to read a few pages at a time. Every page, however, is filled with my own penciled notations because it seems like she wrote the book just for me!
She writes about the history of child abuse, its insidiousness and how it still gets hidden behind euphemisms like "discipline. It is a very powerful, well-written book. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. You may want to rethink that. Due to my relatively new status as parent to a toddler and having known many people both internally within my immediate and distant family and externally amongst close friends and associates who've suffered under excessively harsh parenting, I am often drawn to child psychology literature and any other psych lit that will help me understand how to interpret the more negative aspects of their adult behavior.
Throughout this enormous and daunting quest to find answers, the same narrative keeps popping up: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence" complete the "bad behavior" theory in a way that I've not seen in any other child psych lit. Her book puts a very real face on what abusive parenting produces and even ties it into the Holocaust by extensively examining how Adolph Hitler was raised neurotic, weak, compulsive and unstable mother and an excessively verbally, mentally and physically abusive father , how Germans were raised for generations under similar conditions and how abusive parenting contributed to an entire nation going along with the heinous acts that were to make WWII infamous.
Of course this is the extreme outcome of abusive parenting, but the author taps into more common outcomes as well e. This is the first book by Alice Miller that I've read, but it will not be my last. It's absolutely essential reading even if you think your brand of discipline is harmless This my favorite of all of Alice Miller's books. It helps understand what makes people tick. It explains so much that otherwise remains obscure, such as how Adolf Hitler could arise and be supported by almost the entire German nation.
And not because of heredity or conjunction of the planets. And while she does not pontificate about it, one can infer a warning that if we do not improve our child-rearing practices, things are only going to get worse.
It is difficult to read this book, not because her language is difficult, but because it tugs at my heart strings. You if of European descent may experience it likewise. See all 88 reviews. See all customer images. Most recent customer reviews. Published 21 days ago. Published 6 months ago.
Published 9 months ago. Published 1 year ago. Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers. Learn more about Amazon Giveaway. For Your Own Good: Set up a giveaway. Customers who viewed this item also viewed. Tracing Childhood Trauma in Creativity and Destructiveness. The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame.
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Add the first question. Will this time be different? Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. It is difficult to read this book, not because her language is difficult, but because it tugs at my heart strings. Four Basque ETA terrorists, living together with peculiar Spanish neighbors, are planning a terrorist attack in Spain, but await instructions from the head of the organization. Having said that, this is still a perfectly decent movie. Audible Download Audio Books.
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Three parents, Arturo, Poli and Chus, see their biggest nightmare come true: their three precious little daughters have grown too fast. And what's worse: they've. It's for Your Own Good is a Spanish comedy film directed by Carlos Therón. Cast[edit]. Javier Cámara - Chus; José Coronado - Arturo; Roberto Álamo - Poli.
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