How to Improve Self-Esteem in the African American Child

Celebrating the Strengths of Black Youth: Increasing Self-esteem and Implications for Prevention

In children, the inner critic tells them that they are not smart enough, good enough, or talented enough to accomplish their goals. Children start to use their inner dialog as a defense mechanism against the world. The truth is that criticism can never be constructive. According to Merriam -Webster dictionary, the definition of constructive is: So how do we promote development without finding fault? It starts with choosing our words wisely and encouraging self-awareness in our sons about his inner critic.

Help your son identify when his inner critic is attacking. Signs of the inner critic are fear, feeling powerless, feeling disappointed or discouraged, feeling tired or sick such as a belly ache or headache , self blame and lack of motivation. Once your son senses when the inner critic is at play, help him to observe the underlying situation. What is the inner critic telling your son that he can not or should not do?

Tell you son to observe what he is feeling physically and emotionally when the inner critic attacks.

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It might be helpful to have your son write down whatever he is feeling. It could be just one sentence such as: If your son is under age 7, ask him to draw a picture about what it feels like.

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African American children are faced with many challenges in today's society. These challenges range from racism and academic achievement to family. CSBY is a small group intervention program focuses on promoting positive racial identity and increasing self-esteem among African American children.

Help your son to develop powerful self-talk. Developing powerful self -talk takes time and practice. This is a tool that is useful for parents too! It is very easy for us to name our weaknesses or to recognize our limiting beliefs. However, it takes time for us to identify our strengths and potential. Ask your son to tell you 5 things he believes is a weakness or something he is not good at. With high self-esteem, children have the courage to take risks in learning about the world, to develop their skills and abilities, and to make friends with peers and adults.

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They can stay tuned to their inner, unique selves and can set a path that is right for themselves. With low self-esteem, children are much more fearful in taking the risks necessary to learn new skills and form new relationships, and are much more vulnerable to manipulation by authoritarian figures and peer pressure. They may find it harder to stay tuned to their inner selves, and may stray from a path that is right for themselves.

Self-Esteem Seminars is a Los Angeles-based consulting group that trains educators in how to nurture self-esteem in themselves and in their students.

The program shows teachers how to create for children, and help children to create for themselves, the following five building blocks of self-esteem: With very young children, infancy through preschool, we, as parents, can think about how we might work with these concepts to help our children build self-esteem on several levels--developmental, adoption, racial and cultural.

Transracially adopted children of color will have many more issues to resolve about who they are than children growing up in their biological families.

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Our children must learn not only basic developmental tasks, but also the following: Let's look at the basic developmental issues and see how we can provide the opportunity for our young children to build the five components of self-esteem. We know we need to provide our children with physical space that is safe and encourages exploration. But we also must create space that is safe psychologically. We must shield our children from anyone who might harm them with ridicule, and we must support their learning with praise.

Little children must learn many basic aspects of their identity--their name, gender, and race. They are also learning what is expected of members of these groups, and how these groups are evaluated by others. For example, children are learning what behaviors are "expected" of boys or girls.

Parents can help children feel free to explore the full range of their physical and emotional capabilities, and not restrict them to rigid sexual roles. Parents can provide encouragement for little girls to engage in vigorous physical activity and little boys to express warmth and affection in playing with cuddly dolls. We are therefore helping our children feel good about expressing all of who they are, and not making them feel bad if they step out of the rigid expectations our culture projects for male or female behavior.

Young children are also learning competence in basic physical skills--feeding, toileting, bathing--and social skills with peers and adults.

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And they are learning how to use these skills for a purpose: We can encourage our children's growing competence and contributions to the group by finding little jobs they can do. Even at 16 months, Miguel has staked out a job for himself: He likes to help Daddy and Mommy unload the dishwasher. He solemnly hands up the dishes, one by one, to the waiting adult hand.

Even at a very young age, children also begin to exhibit a predilection for their own special talents and ways of relating to their environment. We can be on the lookout for these individual gifts and encourage them.

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They may be a clue for guiding them to fulfilling school and job options many years later. As adoptive parents we may have only sketchy information about the educational, professional, and vocational interests of the birth families of our children. So we need to be very observant for clues as to our children's strengths and abilities. For example, Miguel is exhibiting a talent for very fine manual dexterity, and makes a beeline for anything mechanical.

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He loves to turn any knob, push any button, jiggle any lever. Perhaps Miguel will grow up to be an engineer some day, perhaps not.

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University of Washington Be boundless Connect with us: It starts with choosing our words wisely and encouraging self-awareness in our sons about his inner critic. Bronwyn Mayden is the executive director for the Campaign for Our Children,a non-profit organization in Maryland. Education and Treatment of Children. This is a tool that is useful for parents too! The Preparation for Bbias Subscale included six items e.

But we are already thinking about how he might use this ability. As we build our children's self-esteem and find joy in their accomplishments, we are building our own self-esteem as parents. We develop confidence that we know what to do to nurture our children and are accomplishing results, and we can feel good about ourselves as parents. Children of color growing up with parents who look different from them will notice this difference early on and remark on it.

Law professor Elizabeth Bartholet remembers her 3-year-old son from Peru saying sadly, "I wish you looked like me I wish we were the same color. All children need to feel that they are like their parents, who are their primary role models. As parents of adopted children, we need to identify for our children ways that they are like us, while not denying differences or the way being different from us makes our children feel. Habits, tastes in food, talents, likes and dislikes can all be traits our children share with us; remarking that "you laugh just like your dad" or "you and I both love books, don't we?

By the age of 3, children notice differences in skin tone and wonder what they mean.

Work Toward Building High Self-Esteem in Your Young African-American Child - Your Black World

At that point we must have some answers about adoption for our children that make sense to them. We must also teach our children how to deal with the questions they will hear from their playmates. Their peers will, of course, notice obvious physical differences and want an explanation. She doesn't look like your mommy. As parents who have adopted transracially, adoption will be in our faces, and in the faces of our children, from the get-go, whether we, or they, like it or not. We have two choices: We can ignore the importance of teaching our children how to deal with adoption and racial issues, and put them at risk of not understanding this vital part of their being.

Or we can decide to deal with these issues proactively and empower our children with coping strategies that build their self-esteem. Let's look at how we might use the building blocks of self-esteem in helping our young children understand what adoption is, how it relates to them, and how to feel good about it.

One of the best ways to open communication about a subject with young children is through an indirect medium, such as a book. But while the size appeared to encourage community-building in the Sisters of Nia group, Jones said, the control group never really got off the ground. Attendance was sparse, the mindfulness program appeared to hold little interest for the girls, and by the time the curriculum was scheduled to change, only two were attending at a time. The original Sisters of Nia group, on the other hand, took on the mindfulness activities and continued, on their own, to discuss the Nia principles and other ideas they had encountered.

The researchers found that, over the six weeks of the cultural enrichment program, school engagement among participants increased, whereas it decreased among students in the control group. Sharper differences were noted in measures of racial and ethnic identity, which were even more pronounced six weeks after the conclusion of the Sisters of Nia program. Among those participants, their degree of identification as African-American and their positive feelings about other African-Americans increased significantly over time.

The fact that the girls reported these feelings long after the cultural program was over speaks to how strongly the ideas resonated with them, Jones said. There was no other direct connection to Sisters of Nia, she added, since the group leader was different for the mindfulness program, and none of the activities was related to the previous curriculum. Jones believes the findings point to ways to build community and identity among young teens. While this curriculum, and some of the related ideas about race, were specific to African-Americans, such ideas and lessons could be adapted for other racial and ethnic groups, as well, she said.