Troubled Teenagers - Identifying and Dealing with Tough Issues

Dealing with Troubled Teens: A 7-Step Guide for Parents

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Teen Behavior Problem 2:

Pull them aside for a private conversation, sharing your concerns. Ask them for pointers regarding what's going on and how you might be able to help.

By having an open conversation beforehand, the teen is more likely to feel like they have a voice. Therefore, they may be on board with any subsequent interventions. Meet with a therapist. Set up an appointment for a professional therapist to see your teen. If you have some indicator as to the problem e. Providing as much info and background as possible helps the therapist clarify the problem and make use of the right interventions.

Encourage health-promoting behaviors at home. Certain lifestyle factors can increase stress and ultimately worsen acting out behaviors in your teen. Commit to making healthy choices in your household, such as eating nutritious food, exercising, and sleeping 8 hours or more nightly. Instead, feed them 3 to 4 well-rounded meals that feature fruits, veggies, whole grains, low-fat dairy, and lean sources of protein. Developing more positive lifestyle behaviors could decrease some of the issues your teen is facing.

For instance, a balanced diet and exercise can reduce symptoms of depression or anxiety. Talk to your teen's teachers or guidance counselor. Doing so can ensure that people at the teen's school are aware of the issues and are on board with your efforts to resolve them. Make use of community resources. Take advantage of community organizations, church groups, youth groups, and other services that help troubled teens in your area.

Such groups have experience working with troubled teens and can offer practical guidance and support. Responding with anger or strong emotions when your teen acts out puts them in the power position. Rather than giving away your power, maintain it by keeping your temper under control. This might involve deep breathing, counting, or deflecting with humor.

Try not to let your teen see you losing it, if you can help it. Step into their shoes for a moment. Troubled teens are frequently stigmatized, so they may feel like no one understands. This builds a better connection between you. Communicate firm rules and consequences. It's important to set clear and consistent limits with troubled teens.

Let them know what kind of conduct is expected and explain the consequences of not following the rules. You'll have the final word, but they may be more likely to comply if they have some input on rules and consequences.

Help for Parents of Troubled Teens

Then, they won't need to test your authority so much. Provide structure in daily life. Create clear guidelines for how things work in your household and require that everyone stick to the plan. Come up with set meal times, times for homework, leisure time, and bedtimes for all your children. Though they may rebel against it, teens need and actually want structure in their lives. When you see your teen engaging in constructive activities, such as completing chores or doing homework, praise their efforts.

This increases the likelihood that they will do it again in the future. For example, if the teen misses curfew by a few minutes, you might not say anything. Teach them how to deal with negative emotions. Teens might act out because they don't know how to channel the intense emotions they feel on a day-to-day basis. Relaxation exercises, yoga, martial arts, woodworking, and painting are all great activities they can use to deal with uncomfortable feelings.

Encourage them to pursue constructive passions. If there's a positive activity that your teen enjoys doing, support them percent. Purchase a new sketchbook if they like drawing. Attend events to watch them play the drums. Praise and support them whenever they are trying to do good.

How about we go to the store together and pick out a sketchpad for you to work in? Require participation in at least 1 extracurricular activity. Make it mandatory across the board that all kids in your family get involved in the school or local community.

This might include participating in a band, a sport, or a club. Everyone has a right to feel physically safe. If your teen is violent towards you, seek help immediately. Call a friend, relative, or the police if necessary. Every phone call or knock on the door could bring news that your son has either been harmed, or has seriously harmed others.

Teenage girls get angry as well, of course, but that anger is usually expressed verbally rather than physically. Some will even direct their rage towards you.

For any parent, especially single mothers, this can be a profoundly upsetting and unsettling experience. Putting up with violence is as harmful for your teen as it is for you. Anger can be a challenging emotion for many teens as it often masks other underlying emotions such as frustration, embarrassment, sadness, hurt, fear, shame, or vulnerability. In their teens, many boys have difficulty recognizing their feelings, let alone being able to express them or ask for help.

The challenge for parents is to help your teen cope with emotions and deal with anger in a more constructive way:. Establish boundaries, rules and consequences. If your teen lashes out, for example, he or she will have to face the consequences—loss of privileges or even police involvement. Teens need boundaries and rules, now more than ever. Is your child sad or depressed? Does your teen just need someone to listen to him or her without judgment?

Be aware of anger warning signs and triggers. Does your teen get headaches or start to pace before exploding with rage? Or does a certain class at school always trigger anger? When teens can identify the warning signs that their temper is starting to boil, it allows them to take steps to defuse the anger before it gets out of control.

Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve anger. Exercise is especially effective: Even simply hitting a punch bag or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger. Dancing or playing along to loud, angry music can also provide relief. Some teens also use art or writing to creatively express their anger. Give your teen space to retreat. Take steps to manage your own anger. As difficult as it sounds, you have to remain calm and balanced no matter how much your child provokes you.

If you or other members of your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, your teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways to express his or her anger as well. It only takes a glance at the news headlines to know that teen violence is a growing problem.

Top 10 Problems and Issues Teenagers Face

Movies and TV shows glamorize all manner of violence, many web sites promote extremist views that call for violent action, and hour after hour of playing violent video games can desensitize teens to the real world consequences of aggression and violence. Of course, not every teen exposed to violent content will become violent, but for a troubled teen who is emotionally damaged or suffering from mental health problems, the consequences can be tragic. The first step to doing this is to find a way to connect with what he or she is experiencing emotionally and socially.

Positive face-to-face connection is the quickest most efficient way to reduce stress by calming and focusing the nervous system. That means you probably have a lot more influence over your teen than you think. To open the lines of communication:.

Eleven ideas for parenting a difficult teenager.

Be aware of your own stress levels. Be there for your teen. Insist on sitting down for mealtimes together with no TV, phones, or other distractions. Look at your teen when you speak and invite your teen to look at you. Fathers and sons often connect over sports; mothers and daughters over gossip or movies. Listen without judging or giving advice.

Teen Behavior Problem 1:

Your attempts to connect with your teen may often be met with anger, irritation, or other negative reactions. Stay relaxed and allow your teen space to cool off. Feeling connected in a network of social support, on the other hand, can support your young person in finding more confidence and a healing sense of connection. Let your teen suffer the natural consequences of their actions, as much as possible. Do not pick up their dirty stuff and wash it. The time for doing that has long passed.

With more serious bad decisions drugs , vandalism, aggression, etc. Remind yourself in all the ways you know how that your child once was a wonderful human being, and is doing their sticky imperfect unconscious best to become that again. When my now-wonderful adult daughter was a teenage nightmare, I found a photo of her as a sweet four-year-old.

I taped that photo to the fridge. In times of extreme trouble, it helped me stay strong and loving, which is what she needed most of all. Take advantage of the small parenting window you still have before your teenager is an adult. Follow these ten suggestions, but also get the help you need to provide them a more solid foundation for moving into independent adulthood.

Age of Opportunity , by Laurence Steinberg. You and Your Adolescent , by Laurence Steinberg. Hold onto Your Kids: The Gift of Failure , by Jessica Lahey. PDF of the five research-based basics of parenting adolescents , from Arlington Pediatrics. I could imagine no more formidable challenge than being a parent in these times.

So I find it conspicuous that the above recommendations neglect the role that extended family could play in creating safe spaces.

An insightful work that provides useful perspective is this indispensable work: Thank you so much for your comment, Nate H. You'll see I've added another suggestion to my original list of ten, emphasizing the importance of connections with extended family and community members. It is indeed an invaluable resource. I really appreciate your thoughtful suggestions; a lot of parents are reading this article, and writing to tell me it's helpful for them, and your suggestions have made this a much stronger piece.

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