No Way Baby! Exploring, Understanding and Defending the Decision NOT to Have Children

Portland author writes about being childless by choice

Yet policymakers and powerful philanthropists are continuing to push us in the opposite direction — toward more schooling, more testing, more adult direction of children, and less opportunity for free play. Too much following and the same is true. In wisdom we find balance between the two. Children are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes.

Yet, us adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. There are no average children. There are no standard children. When education becomes more important than love, it is no longer education at all.

For, tending to the delicate spirit of children is foundational if education is to fulfill its intended purpose of serving the greater whole. Many functional skills like literacy and arithmetic can be learned either through play or through instruction — the issue is the amount of stress on the child. However, many coping skills like compassion, self-regulation, self-confidence, the habit of active engagement, and the motivation to learn and be literate cannot be instructed.

They can only be learned through self-directed experience i.

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She simply may be doing her best to say that the system is not large enough to house the fullness of her creative spirit. They are not ours to keep, but to teach how to soar on their own. A deeply loved child with only some education will go much further than a well educated child lacking love.

I would rather hire a tennis coach.

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It really has to be a well thought-out personal choice for ourselves. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. Nothing could be more simple, or more difficult. Foster makes it a point to distinguish this group from the childless. The humility of a teacher is born when this is realized.

Their asking comes in the form of behaviour. Life exists in the space between all we deem important.

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Nothing could be more simple, or more difficult. Difficult because to trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves, and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn.

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I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized. If you value play, your child will, too.

Children are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes, yet we adults have them all the time! Let go of that unfounded fear and give your child permission to be human. We all have days like that. None of us are perfect, and we must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves.

All of the punishments you could throw at them will not stamp out their humanity, for to err is human, and we all do it sometimes. Letting them play is a kind means of meeting them where they are and encouraging their authentic unfolding. Educate him to be happy, so that when he grows up he knows the value of things not the price. Lillian Katz, University of Illinois. I want her to share her pleasure with me, not look to me for a verdict.

Just because they might get sad over the colour of their cup, does not make their feelings any less real. They are entitled to be taken seriously. They have a right to be treated by adults with tenderness and respect, as equals. Therefore, the Great Spirit may show them many things that older people miss.

Our kids are not commodities. It is the antidote to the fast-paced, stressful world in which many young children live. Equally important, it encourages an appreciation of the natural world on which we depend. The humility of a teacher is born when this is realized. Only then does teaching really begin. They know how to play, they know how to structure their own play — they need that time to grow responsibly. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

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They may love their nieces and nephews or their friends' children, but that need to have their own does not exist. Some of them decide this as soon as they are teenagers. Since society is always progressing in one way or another, it is important to understand the options available to us.

This book is very useful in that it provides information for those of us who don't necessarily feel the calling to become a mother or a father. It provides information on the opposition and encouragement in making your own decision, not one that society has placed on you. Apart from being informative in the decision-making process, it also provides information on those lingering questions one has, such as, without kids, what happens to us when we grow old?

This book brought up many worries I didn't even know I had. However, as someone who is not sure about having children, it is a necessary reality to think about how life will be without children. In a world full of uncertainties, this book provides you an in-depth, informative look into one of the options that we grow up not hearing about.

With that said, I recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with the decision of not having children either deciding or dealing with the aftermath of making the decision , as well as those who are not able to have children. Although Foster directs this books to the childfree, the later chapters help with providing information for others.

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I also suggest this book for anyone who has a childfree in their family or as a friend - it will help them to better understand the other side of the fence, so to speak. Aug 04, Sam rated it liked it. The book says a lot of stuff I agree with, but it also veers wildly off into areas that barely relate to the main topic.

No Way Baby!: Exploring, Understanding, and Defending the Decision NOT to Have Children

This left me feeling like I'd just read a Michael Moore book. The author goes out of her way to make some stuff way more political than it needed to be even though I agree with her on most points. This was definitely not an anti-parent or anti-baby book. However, it d Well However, it did often slide into moments of " I'm not sure what I was hoping for in this book, but I didn't find it.

Jul 10, Danielle rated it it was amazing. I was not expecting this book to be so informative. A mix of facts and anecdotes from the childfree, No Way, Baby! The author is great because she speaks to all adults: Her purpose is to promote love and understanding between all chosen paths of life: Jun 23, Latasha rated it it was amazing Shelves: This book was fantastic in that it gave me a lot more arguments than I previously had when I let people know I plan on remaining childfree. Also it gave a lot more in-depth information that solidified my decision.

In defence of childlessness

I am extremely left wing politically, so a lot in this book spoke to me. However I don't recommend this for right wing or non-political childfrees. Dec 04, Rita rated it liked it Shelves: This is the first book I read about being childfree. I browsed a few others and selected Foster's because I like her writing style, which is well-crafted and easy-to-read.

Although I was surprised that this book is so political, No Way Baby changed my attitude about being childfree from apologetic to proud! Although very centred around America, there's some really interesting view points explored that are relevant to someone living in the U.

I thought this was a really interesting read, it was not anti children but pro choice about whether you want to have children. May 19, Radicaleinzors rated it liked it. It started off good but then she kinda got whiny there towards the end. Valerie rated it liked it Jun 19, Amy Brock rated it really liked it Apr 30, Annette rated it liked it Nov 04, Lorraine rated it it was amazing Jul 20, Josephina rated it really liked it Oct 05, Dawn rated it liked it Feb 17, Katherine rated it really liked it Jul 25, Michelle Williams rated it liked it Apr 29, Jess Lake rated it really liked it Apr 18, Erica rated it really liked it Mar 25,