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I still feel really weird about the whole thing. Lost Opportunity At De-escalation. I identify as a bottom, and until recently I thought I had erectile dysfunction because I would literally go soft at the thought of topping another man. However, I am usually very submissive and drawn to hypermasculine, dominant guys. I met a few and became this dominant guy who fit the stereotype most guys expect when they see me online or in person.
I tried topping recently, because a married guy begged me to. My life would be so much easier if I just married a woman! So this sudden turn from bottom to top is troubling me. So am I capable of turning straight? That would validate everything my homophobic family members have said. Praying The Straight Away. And being fascinated by a body part that typically comes attached to people, i.
Falstaff and the Working Wives of Lake County: An International Juried Print Exhibition. Dog week at Sisyphus, Minnstafashion at the W: Free things to do this week 9: Dog meet-ups, rummage sales, festivals on Eat Street and the West Bank: And calling those folks "trolls" is intellectual cowardice. That is the problem with The Left; unwilling to tolerate even the presence of ideas that differ from it's own narrow bigoted failed and ever failing orthodoxy.
In the real world those ideas can't be deleted and hidden. Responsible sexual behavior and attitudes are not negative. Or maybe, just maybe, this guy could go on a few dates with guys his age as an exercise in expanding his horizons. Pick the slimmer more youthful ones if that makes it easier. This guy has had plenty of time to catch up on one thing he missed out on - sex with hot young guys. A long term relationship. But he also could make a conscious effort to expand the type of guys he dates, including ones his own age, to see if actual feelings based on mutual interest and attraction could develop as they do in mature relationships.
Almost every gay guy is attracted to hot young guys, young men in the golden age of their youth, as the ancient Greeks described them. But this guy, against his will, seems to have made hooking up with them a dating version of the masturbation death grip. This is one of the more FUN Savage letters. Lately, Dan has been so serious. This is the old Dan--dealing with a real issue with a lot of humor and fun.
Nice to see Dan back in his groove. Mizz Liz - We agree on the essentials. Yes, celebrity and wealth attract those who would not be attracted without those attributes. As for examples, unfortunately it seems one is generally restricted to famous names because they're known and incontrovertible.
But the marriages of Known People and the ages of the participants can be verified easily. Similarly, I often use John McEnroe as an example of someone with a pro-woman change in position on a notable issue. Not many people will duplicate his experience, but it's easily verifiable. I do still think that, whether consciously or otherwise, you invited the inference that Mr Fry's attractions were no greater than those of Mr Trump. Someone more famous for his genius than for his acting or writing deserved better.
I had a fling with a man 20 years younger who liked me to call him Daddy. I don't think age has much to do with it.
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Venn I think you're finding controversy where there isn't any. All I'm saying is that being rich or well-known expands a person's pool of potential partners.
This is indisputable, even as isolated things wealth vs popularity but when you combine them being rich AND famous it's especially true. Likewise with being good looking, but in the examples we are talking about Fry, you brought up Trump , the one is charming - maybe a "cute" in some ways even but hardly widely attractive, especially now- and the other is disgusting.
And we don't know what the LW looks like. So yes, being rich and famous will increase one's ability to date younger more attractive people- I can't believe I'm even having to defend this. This is as true for Fry as it is for Trump. This does not mean that the younger attractive person who ends up with the rich famous person doesn't also love them and genuinely desire to jump their bones and this does not mean that non rich and non famous people might likewise find the same, there are plenty of examples in any of our peer groups, Dans or yours or mine.
But it's not good advice to tell an average person with a concern that they should not be concerned about that thing because some rich famous person manages to overcome the same situation. I don't know what is in Fry's husband's heart of hearts. But it doesn't hurt also that he does not have to work, that he gets to travel the world, attend concerts, go sledding in the arctic, hang out with rock stars, etc.
For a certain kind of man in his 20s, this is an amazing life. For certain men in their 60s, providing a young man with such a life is a genuine pleasure. It's an outlier example- an extreme.
It really has nothing to do with the possibilities for most of us. And whatever you infer is your own - you brought up Trump, not me. I am living proof that a relationship with a much younger man CAN work. I am 54 and he is You do the math on age difference. We have been together for five years and are very happy. We have a lot in common. You just have to find the right man! Mizz Liz - You described a national treasure in your initial comments in terms that could equally or even more accurately have been used to describe a national embarrassment, finding nothing more complimentary to describe Mr Fry than calling him a millionaire and a celebrity millionaire.
I felt Mr Fry deserved better and defended his reputation. You have refined your original post, and I am prepared to accept your clarification. You'll recall that I have a considerable stake here, having been pursued by a Mormon teen eleven years ago - and as I have never been able to afford health care, nor can I lay claim to ever having had abundant physical charms While I have no difference with your statements on the beneficial effects of wealth, I have seen in action the sort of relationship you proposed that LW seek, and I should not recommend it to a friend.
Calling an adult "girl" can be closer to calling a black man "boy" instead of something innoucuous. You're correct, I think people of all ages and orientations accept that younger say, 20ss people are in general more objectively attractive, and sexually enticing, than people in their 50s and 60s. It's just that some of us decide to pursue what our loins are pointing us towards and others of us, for very good reasons, are happy to leave those young people as "eye candy only.
Sure, calling a female work colleague "girl" can be sexist and belittling. But that's not the context we're talking about. We're talking about romantic relationships, where people have "girlfriends" and "boyfriends," not "manfriends" or "womanfriends. Bring them in as thirds, even. I agree with what you say about trolls generally, but can't be with you in agreeing to the first comment. Noatak thinks that sexual attraction should be incidental to who you're in a relationship with. It's Sparta--a society where the state, or parents, or priests, decides who gets to mate or to pair up.
No--these decisions can only be decently made on the basis of the people in them feeling a spark. Walk this back and take a look at my initial very brief reference to Dan's reference to Stephen Fry:. Anything else you are reading into this is on you, not me. I pretty clearly said what I said. As for your anecdotal evidence and others' evidence that plenty of older men who are not rich or famous can attract an older man, the very next sentence of my post was:.
So I don't know why you or anyone else need to respond by saying that young men go after older men- obviously that's true and the LW expresses this in abundance. But that wasn't his question. Which is why I followed with:. So as to what advice I'm giving him- I'm not. I don't think I gave any advice. I asked a few questions. I agreed with Dan. I pointed out that even with someone closer in your own age, there is no guarantee that an ltr would emerge.
If you mess it up this time, you'll get a mortarboard to the face. More of a stage-of-life thing than anything else. Mizz Liz - You described a national treasure in your initial comments in terms that could equally or even more accurately have been used to describe a national embarrassment, finding nothing more complimentary to describe Mr Fry than calling him a millionaire and a celebrity millionaire. From the confessional Fleabag to the wry Better Things to the scathing Veep , some of the best comedies of the last year have featured women at the forefront who are navigating their daily lives on their own terms. Some kids really take it to the next level and craft poetic, subversive, and often hilarious quotes that prove to be showstoppers because they drop the mic on everyone's heads.
Unless you mean the jokey I even wrote ha ha thing at the bottom about finding another old man to chase young ass with? Even as a straight woman, it's something I consider. My husband died suddenly eight years ago. We had no children. I've learned how to get along on my own, and until recently, living alone didn't bother me. Lately, though, I've become lonely.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. The problem is that, since menopause hit, I no longer desire sex. I only miss cuddling and holding hands. My body shut the door on sex, and for the most part, I'm fine with it. Sex with my late husband was truly terrible. Should I just accept that I'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone? Don't suppose you'd be interested in a year-old who doesn't leave the house much and feels entitled to a child- and tattoo-free twentysomething but might be willing to settle?
There could be used car in it for you. Then here's another option: Many of these men want companionship, too, and they lurk on dating websites, afraid to respond because they wrongly assume all the women on OurTime. Create a profile and be honest about what you want companionship, intimacy and don't want sex , RTGU, and you'll hear from men who want a life partner and a cuddle buddy, not a sex partner or a fuck buddy.
But I can't help wondering if your terrible-at-sex husband didn't create a negative association that a more considerate, attentive partner might be able to break. If you spoke to your doctor about treatment options and then landed in bed with a man who was kind, considerate, and capable, but content just to cuddle—so no pressure—you might find yourself wanting to reopen that door. On the Lovecast , porn questions with Dr. Got a question for Dan Savage? Call the Savage Love Podcast at or email Dan at mail savagelove.
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