"Affair-Proof" Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving an Affair

Contents:

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Affair-Proof Love

The Definitive Guide To Infidelity (And How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage)

Natalie Stevens (Author of Affair Proof - The Complete Guide)

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If the item is: Description Product Info Reviews. Classic signs of a cheating spouse include spending more time at work, financial spending that cannot be accounted for, sudden self-improvement efforts i.

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More often than not, the signs are there in some form. Today, the signs are often lying on your nightstand in the form of a smartphone. Technology — particularly social networking sites and texting — provide easy opportunity to carry on secret extra-marital friendships that can quickly turn into affairs. Before such technology, affairs were more difficult to start and continue. A married person who wanted to have an affair with another married person would have to call his or her home and risk an angry spouse answering the phone.

Some spouses — often those who are having an affair — will grow indignant when their partner asks to whom they are texting. Asserting this kind of privacy within the context of marriage is not only antithetical to the very concept of marriage, it facilitates infidelity and often creates a profound sense of insecurity in the other spouse. After all, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. The payoff — a rush of adrenaline and arousal — is instantaneous and people often mistakenly believe that they have made an authentic, meaningful connection with someone they have either never met or barely know.

Many people have no problem texting graphically sexual content to a person with whom, if they were standing face-to-face, they could barely shakes hands. The relationship is an empty shell, although it gives the illusion of being a virtual cornucopia of connection, attraction and even true love. While it is true that some affairs turn into long-term relationships, the vast majority end in disaster. Until a cheating spouse can tell the difference between love and lust, it is virtually impossible to move ahead and repair the marriage.

Here are a few thoughts to ponder on the matter.

Chasing The Don;
Into the Jungle;
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Affair-proof Love - Lana Staheli - Google Книги.
What to Read Next;
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What did you do? How many times did you do it? Was he or she better than me? How long has this been going on? Do you love this person? Do you fantasize about him or her while we are making love? The answers to some questions may be more valuable than the answers to others. For example, a spouse is fully entitled to know the identity of the extramarital girlfriend or boyfriend, whether there was sexual activity ie.

Moving past an affair is practically impossible without these kinds of answers. Other questions that a betrayed spouse might ask — although perfectly understandable and natural to ask — may be less helpful. What kinds of sex acts did you perform? How many orgasms did you have?

How did you touch him or her? How big was his penis? How large were her breasts? Did you use any sex toys?

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Affair-Proof Love

These are the gory details. When deciding how many details you want or need, you may wish to ask yourself the following question, and use it as a guideline:. How much information do I require from my spouse to reassure me that he or she: Be realistic but honest with yourself about the information and details you need to know. It may be helpful to write down your questions and sit on them for a few days. A betrayed spouse should avoid the tendency to constantly attack a partner with a slew of never-ending questions.

An ongoing assault of gut-wrenching, explicit questions about the affair can be exhausting and embarrassing, and can cause even a well-intentioned spouse to shut down. Agreeing upon a specific time ie. This reassures the betrayed spouse that his or her questions will be answered while allowing marriage and family life to continue with a degree of normality.

The Definitive Guide To Infidelity (And How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage)

Sometimes a spouse wishes to end an affair and rebuild the marriage, but finds it difficult to tell his or her extra-marital bedmate that it is over. The spouse may feel guilty about ending it, and may worry how the end of the affair will affect the other person. This type of inaction, flip-flopping or hesitation to end the affair, once and for all, is misplaced loyalty in the extreme. It can do irreparable harm to the marriage, as the betrayed spouse begins to see his or her partner as even more unfaithful, uncommitted and unreliable.

It is impossible to move past infidelity and rebuild a marriage while one spouse is emotionally or physically involved with another person. Moreover, the other person — the marital interloper — does not require, and is not entitled to, time or effort when it comes to ending the affair. He or she should not have had a presence in the first place. An unfaithful spouse who claims differently is adding to both the insult and injury he or she has already caused his or her spouse.

A dramatic shift in priorities and loyalties is required if the marriage is to survive and thrive. The Other Woman or Other Man. Although it is impossible to move past infidelity while a spouse is still involved with his or her girlfriend or boyfriend, it sometimes happens that a betrayed spouse will allow a cheating partner to carry on the affair. This is for a number of reasons:.

First, the longer a spouse is involved with another person, the deeper his or feelings for that person may become. Second, a cheating spouse may be drawn to the romanticism of an unattainable paramour.

His Needs Her Needs Book Summary- How to Affair Proof Your Marriage

You can have your girlfriend or boyfriend, but not me. When a betrayed spouse gives his or her partner time to choose between the marriage and an extramarital lover, he or she sets up an unwinnable situation. If the cheating spouse chooses to stay in the marriage, the spouse may always wonder if he or she secretly regrets the decision or fantasizes about being with the other person.

Natalie Stevens (Author of Affair Proof - The Complete Guide)

If the cheating spouse chooses to leave the marriage, the betrayed spouse may feel even worse. Not only did they put themselves through hell, they lost their dignity along with their marriage. Despite the panic, desperation and profound sadness that attend the discovery of an affair, betrayed spouses must nonetheless rationally weigh the pros and cons of allowing a cheating spouse to continue the affair.

Of course, if you feel that you need to give your spouse the opportunity to decide between you and another person then you must use your own discretion.

There are two steps to rebuilding trust after infidelity. Time heals all wounds, right? If a couple who has suffered through infidelity does not properly recover and heal from it, time only makes the scar more visible. The wound may even reopen now and then. But if a couple uses time smartly, it can soothe the pain and the scar can begin to fade.

For that reason, a spouse who has cheated on his or her partner must be fully transparent in the days, weeks and months after infidelity. Transparency, in terms of behavior, implies complete honesty, openness and accessibility. There can be no unexplained absences from the home, no private passwords for computers or smartphones, no whispered phone calls, no texting in the next room, no significant expenditures that cannot be accounted for.

Some spouses may be OK with private passwords, others may not. Some may wish to randomly check up on a partner, others may not.