Through the Eyes of a Man: The Truth about College Dating Revealed to Women

Will He Cheat? 14 Red Flags You Can’t Ignore

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And a good romantic comedy.

This is laboratory science talking—not Hallmark or four martinis. And our motives for sex have diversified as have women's —a reality Hatfield now calls "one of our planet's most important new developments. We want to say "I love you" before you do, some of us; we want to race you to love, and win.

We want to love you so much that when we see a pretty face we think it's less pretty than we would if we didn't love you. It doesn't take a psychologist to know what men want. But give a whole lot of them a whole lot of time and you begin to understand the considerable nuance that governs what men want. Some people like pulp in their orange juice, after all. Often while walking the streets of Manhattan I adjust both the pace and position of my stride so as to follow close behind, but not illegally close behind, an attractive woman.

I must stress here to my girlfriend and mother that I do not do this to admire the view. All right, so partly I do this to admire the view. But another part of me likes to observe the reactions we—we're a caravan, now—receive from the menfolk we pass. To walk this way is to witness the spasmodic necks and detoured eyes and high-pitched whistled salutes and deep, perfumed inhalations and even, at times, affected indifference that together form the grand choreography of male desire.

The performance is a haphazard one, and far creepier to the audience than to the actors, but it remains sincere as instinct. When evolutionary psychologists review this show, they find evidence for a universal male urge to reproduce. A woman's figure is a hallmark of her fertility, they argue, and men subconsciously know it.

Researchers have documented a widespread, magnetic male attraction to a waist-to-hip ratio of. An eye-tracking study last year found that men start to evaluate a woman's hourglassness within the first milliseconds of viewing, which, based on my pedestrian observations, seems slow. But to call this desire universal is to ignore a great deal of competing information. While men in developed societies go numb for sinuous curves, those in many developing countries surrender to a larger, more parallel contour. Plumpness may be a sign of poor health in the West, but elsewhere it's a sign that a woman has access to money and food.

Some cultures even prefer a body type that health experts consider clinically overweight. And when a man changes culture, he adjusts his preferred measurements accordingly. In many developing societies, on the other hand, the ideal female body size is heavier. As their social networks changed, so did male preferences. A subsequent study corroborated the shortcomings of a global thin ideal, as well as the role of Western media in propagating it.

Women need not move to Mpolweni to find such flexibility in action. Even among developed societies, shape preferences vary sharply. In countries like Britain or Denmark, where women have achieved social and economic independence, a low waist-to-hip ratio is less important to men than it is in places where women rely more heavily on men for resource acquisition, such as Greece or Portugal, Swami and other researchers find. The more resources a woman can gather on her own, the less men care whether or not her figure conforms to the supposed ideal.

Time and chance can change a man's physical ideals as much as place. One research team recently compared the measurements of Playboy Playmates of the Year from to to economic conditions in the United States over the same period and found that tougher times called for larger playmates.

What Do Men Really Want? | Psychology Today

A study in Psychological Science reported that men who were manipulated to feel either hungry or poor preferred heavier female figures—a sign that, according to the researchers, resource availability can "influence preferences for potential mates" even among Western males in a wealthy culture. In other words, we can live in New York but possess a Zulu state of mind. Just as our bodily ideals aren't stuck on the hourglass, neither is our general desire stuck on the body.

A survey conducted around the time of the Clark-Hatfield study reported that about a third of men have imagined sexual encounters with more than 1, different women. In our minds, at our best, we are not Einstein but Warren Beatty. Swami's studies support the concept of dynamic attractiveness—the idea that no matter our age or body preference, looks are but a single line of code in a complex algorithm of attraction, alongside others defining sense of humor , core beliefs, personality, and more.

Studies indicate that a majority of people are concerned with their appearance, "but studies also indicate that attraction and relationship formation are often more strongly predicted by factors other than physical appearance. Physical attractiveness might matter in the absence of social interaction, but once social interaction takes place, the importance of appearance diminishes rapidly.

Swami and colleagues recently showed a couple thousand young men in London pictures of young women accompanied by brief personality vignettes. The guys rated each image and also indicated the largest and smallest female figures they found appealing, effectively producing a range of acceptable attractiveness.

Men who looked at the images while reading positive personality briefs expanded their ranges, while men who read negative bios shrunk theirs, the team reports in the Journal of Social Psychology. The greatest range change occurred with heavier women, judged much more physically attractive when paired with an appealing character trait like openness or emotional stability.

Of course, it's easy for men to say on paper that they care about personality. What really matters is how things unfold when they're two feet from a push-up bra and nice-smelling, fruit-conditioned hair. Northwestern University psychologists Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel recently arranged a speed-dating event for university guys and gals and had them indicate beforehand what they wanted in a mate: The men—no surprise—overwhelmingly said they wanted looks.

But when they got to the table something changed. Eastwick and Finkel discovered that pre-event ideals failed to predict a person's true romantic interests. In other words, saying you value physical attractiveness doesn't make you more likely to feel a spark with those you consider physically attractive, the researchers report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. A subsequent study led by Eastwick confirmed that men don't always recognize what they want in a woman.

The researchers asked male participants to list a few traits they like in a lady. Then some of them had a brief, live interaction with a female who matched these interests, while others had a similar interaction with someone who didn't.

As the team concludes in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , male hearts don't seem to care what type of preconceived romantic preferences reside in male heads. Interestingly, the same effect occurs in female participants. That something may be the malleability of attraction: A girl with the pretty picture can be too cookie-cutter in person, while one with an average photo can be endearingly cute.

So we males articulate our desires with the precision of a leaf-blower. That may not help our Match. Sociologist Rebecca Plante of Ithaca College says it's a massive oversimplification to think that a man's sexual desire is "as plain as the erection in his pants. What Plante has found so far defies all simple expectations: While some guys do view sex and desire as one and the same, many others—even those in the early stages of a casual engagement—want someone they know and trust on a deeper level. I like to be in a relationship with her. I like to be connected to her.

That's what turns me on, more so than that she's attractive. Male stereotypes fail to take into account the importance of what might be called a commitment continuum.

At one end are married men, at the other are gigolos, with all shades of monogamous and polygamous moderation in between. The oversight helps perpetuate misunderstandings of what men want.

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Yes, physical attractiveness is very important to men, but it's much more important to men prowling for a fling—who, studies show, tend to be younger men—than those after a steady mate. Yes, many men want younger women, but most of those reside on the short-term half of the spectrum; long-term guys tend to prefer women around their own age.

Yes, men like the hourglass figure, but while they focus on the body over the face when looking for sex, the reverse is true for men looking for a relationship, studies report. Women focus on the face either way. Take one recent finding that runs entirely counter to popular wisdom. As the undisputed emotional champion of any relationship, women are supposed to profess their love first. But a group of researchers led by psychologist Joshua Ackerman of MIT found the axiom to be dead wrong. Their surveys of twenty- and thirtysomethings revealed that men say "I love you" first 60 to 70 percent of the time.

They even thought about saying it a full six weeks before their mate did. It took about as much time for women to catch up to their men emotionally, in other words, as it took Hemingway to complete The Sun Also Rises. The meaning of the finding, Ackerman and colleagues report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , turns on the commitment continuum. In subsequent tests, the researchers discovered that short-term guys felt a decrease in happiness when women declared "I love you" after sex.

They'd said it first to score quickly, the finding suggests, and then, having scored, began to realize what they'd done. Your Game Changer Girl lets you do your thing, graciously accepts not expects compliments, and can make herself happy. This is perhaps the most important telltale sign of a keeper. A woman who truly loves you is down for all that you are.

Author, Corey Guyton, Through the Eyes of a Man: The Truth about College Dating Revealed to Women

She won't try to force her opinions on you regarding how you spend your time, how you dress, who your friends are, your work situation, your hobbies, etc. A woman who starts asking you to change little things will never be happy, never accept you for exactly who you are at your core. The girl of your dreams isn't trying to "get" you; she appreciates the time you spend together and doesn't expect you to make promises for your future self. A girl who pressures you with questions about the future is more concerned with the destination and is not truly enjoying the journey.

When you get involved with "The One," she will be able to express her opinions with a healthy detachment and care for you with kindnesses that lift you up and motivate you. Demanding women are impossible to satisfy, but women who gently encourage you will enable you to grow and evolve at your own pace. Martin Johnson revealed in his blog entitled The One Thing a Guy Wants , it's in a man's DNA to try to save the day, make things right, and consistently remain a hero to the woman he loves. Your Game Changer Girl is not too proud to let you in and give you opportunities to help her solve problems, but she also doesn't expect you to save her from every little challenge that comes along.

You know you've met your Game Changer when she can handle the heavy stuff without disappearing. She's there when you need her, not when it's convenient. She understands that rough patches are part of the symphony of a relationship, and can give you space or stand next to you depending on what you need most.

She doesn't make conflict all about her and can be supportive without either extreme of clinginess or abandonment. Your Game Changer Girl -- that one who makes you see life with more clarity and optimism -- won't be perfect, but she will be authentic, strong, supportive, gracious and appreciative. She'll love you for everything you are as well as everything you're not, and she won't try to fit you into her image of the perfect man. When you find her, and there's a rough patch, see it through -- she's worth it.

Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Your girl might just be The One if: She's honest with you A woman who is worth hanging up your dating hat for leaves you guessing to a certain extent, but is capable of looking you in the eye and revealing her true nature. She respects your need for space Women who try to control your time are not Game Changers.

She doesn't need your attention There are many women who exude confidence at first, but start to show dependent tendencies by failing to read and acknowledge certain boundaries you may try to set, or by putting her needs first automatically.

She doesn't try to change you This is perhaps the most important telltale sign of a keeper.

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