Hope for the Wife of the Alcoholic: A Guide for Therapists and the Wives They Work With
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Pointing out these behaviors is not an attempt to blame anyone, only to help people recognize if they may be hurting themselves in an attempt to maintain their relationship with someone who is compulsively engaging in destructive behaviors. Instead, both people in the relationship can heal by being honest and getting appropriate help. Get help for the whole family. The person struggling with alcohol use disorder should complete a professional detox and rehabilitation program, but it is equally important that their partner seek help too.
We will never share your information with a third party without your explicit consent. Coping with an Alcoholic Spouse: What to Say and Do. Again, people who love a person struggling with alcohol use disorder may deny or excuse problematic behaviors because the person was drunk at the time. If the person is aggressive, depressed, suicidal, abusive, or dangerous more often than not because they are drunk, they likely have a drinking problem that needs to be addressed. Instead, it shields the person suffering from alcohol use disorder from the consequences of their disease.
Here are some steps that spouses of alcoholics can take to get help for themselves and their loved ones: It is important to focus honest and open discussion on love and the relationship — not on blame or shame. Take your life back by getting started in a treatment program today. Every Al-Anon group has its own unique way of conducting meetings; however, many have similar outlines.
Generally, meetings will begin with a short opening and introductions. Newcomers are also welcomed during this time and are given some helpful tips, such as not expecting too much too soon and information about confidentiality. The remainder of the meeting is spent on any group announcements, and sharing stories of experience, strength and hope. After the meeting closing, members often share hugs which you may choose to accept or decline.
In attending a meeting, you will be able to lean on others for support, and learn how to handle different situations that may arise. After attending Al-Anon meetings, many members have stated an improvement in their mental, physical and emotional health. An estimated 65 perfect of individuals have received treatment, counseling or therapy before attending Al-Anon Family Groups meetings.
Of those, around 29 percent are still receiving treatment. Get started now by connecting with one of our treatment specialists. How Does Al-Anon Work? Timko, Halvorson, Kong, Moos. Keinz, Schwartz, Trench, Houlihan. We will find top-rated treatment programs that help you get and stay sober. Get a call now. Make or receive a judgement-free call today with one of our compassionate rehab specialists.
Submit your number to receive a judgement-free call today with one of our compassionate rehab specialists. I'm almost out of characters, but want to discuss this again, as I've only talked about me and not her, so I don't think that's at all fair, so I'm terribly sorry, but hope that you can reply back. I am the father of 3 wonderful kids 8 11 and My partner has a drinking problem. She is in denial about her ability to control it. They now phone me if I am at work and things are not right at home.
She thinks she can continue to drink socially but doesn't recognise that her judgment is impaired.
It's necessary because trust is gone. They appear to be available as a voluntary service. She realises that she shouldn't drink and drive. My name is Brenden, my wife is an alcoholic in between admitting it and denial. I have kids 14 year old twin girls and a 17 year old boy. I'm angry, scared for my kids emotional and mental well being. I consider asking her to leave daily. At the moment she is sneaking her drinks in. Lying all the time. Welcome to the forums and I'm so sorry that you're going through what you are mate. Good job for reaching out, you've come to the right place.
Alcoholism is a god awful disease speaking as a recovering drug addict who is quite familiar with the perils of addictions and i'm sure you know the old adage "you can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. I was personally in denial during my whole addiction; broke relationships, wouldn't admit the breadth of my problem, lied constantly. It wasn't until I was really broken that I admitted I finally needed help and it was that act of breaking itself that saved me.
Maybe asking her to leave is what she needs. Maybe she's gotten semi-comfortable in this routine and it needs to be broken by force. It's highly unlikely that she'll just wake up one morning and realise that she needs help and the lying needs to stop, it needs to be something serious to make her snap out even briefly. I spent a couple of months in a psych hospital and it did a world of good.
Whatever it is, you need to be the one to broker it or it's going to go on for who knows how long. I'd also advise you speaking to somebody professional if possible.
Coping with an Alcoholic Spouse: What to Say and Do
This all sounds like it's dragging you down immensely and you need to be in a stable mental state both for your kids and to help your wife. You are in an awkward situation with an alcoholic wife. You've had heaps of replies some saying to report your wife as a 'drunk driver'. While I tend to agree pretty much with these replies, I'd like to add my 2 cents worth, if I may. Geoff's response indicated severe depression being the main catalyst for his alcoholism.
Tony's response was to report her for drunk driving. All the above responses have been great, except for one thing, the only person who can stop being an alcoholic is the alcoholic.
The inevitable 'morning after' didn't deter me. I still get urges to drink to numb the pain. I asked her was she ok? Individuals come away with the tools and knowledge to better understand the warning signs and lifelong effects of an AUD. Instead, both people in the relationship can heal by being honest and getting appropriate help. Finally, I became more frantic and emotionally disturbed than I was when he was drinking. Have you tried joining a walking group or a dance group where grog would be banned.
Threatening them with police intervention, the loss of license will not do any good. They have to want to stop. I am a recovering alcoholic. Up until a few months ago I was drinking steadily.
What the Spouse of an Alcoholic May Experience
While I never drank to 'passing out' stage, I was a danger to me and other drivers. I too made excuses, lied, these excuses were for me and about me. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, this meant surgery, followed by radium. I was given the usual list of 'do's and don'ts' following the surgery.
Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
During the wait between surgery and radium I did not drink, yes, I was very tempted. I was petrified of the unknown.
I had 5 weeks of intense radium, it was full-on, scary etc. While undergoing this treatment, I did not drink. Had I drank, the treatment would've stopped. I didn't want to, I needed to. An extremely close male friend was willing to stand by me, he 'blasted' me for 'falling'. He told me how much I had hurt him, let him and my kids and me down.
This man is himself a recovering alcoholic, so he knew where I was. This happened quite a while ago, my job now also means I can't risk drinking because I'm driving elderly people who rely on me. AA was suggested, but vetoed as it can be a bit on the religious side. I'm hoping one day to look my male friend, who has stood by me and continues to 'be there', in the eye and tell him proudly, I am permanently 'dry'. I know he is proud of me, but in order for that to be permanent, I have to be permanent too.
It's not going to be easy, overnight miraculous. Your wife will turn nasty, she will make excuses, I know, I did. In the end, your wife is the only one who can make the choice. Emdan, I really feel for you and agree that you should do everything possible to prevent your wife driving while under the influence of alcohol. I have struggled with the problem of an alcoholic wife for about 5 years now.
She has tried everything to stop drinking, including two spells in rehab, long term counselling with a psychiatrist and medication to stop her drinking. There has been some short term relief but nothing has been effective in the long term. She claims that I "drive" her to drink but is completely unable to give me a rational explanation of what aspects of my behaviour cause her to drink.
I have left home for brief periods and threatened to leave permanently but this doesn't stop the drinking. My wife is a very attractive and intelligent woman who suffers from very low self esteem and self loathing. The reality is that she has a life many people would envy with frequent overseas travel, a lovely home and no financial problems.
I don't understand her addiction to alcohol but it is an ever present nightmare for me. She has sometimes humiliated me in social situations because of her alcohol fuelled behaviour and these situations cause me great distress. I feel very alone in this journey. Currently I am having a course of radiotherapy for prostate cancer and simply cannot contemplate the prospect of leaving our beautiful home and uprooting my life at this juncture.
I don't even feel that I can discuss the problem with my children from a previous marriage because I don't want them to feel badly about my wife. I am in my mid 70's and can't see any prospect of a solution to my problem which doesn't involve a great deal of pain and financial stress. Your wife shifting blame to you for her drinking is common. I blamed everyone too. I still get urges to drink to numb the pain. I can usually control the urges by reminding myself where I am now as opposed to where I was.
Hope for the Wife of the Alcoholic: A Guide for Therapists and the Wives They Work With [Larry Wall DCSW] on bahana-line.com *FREE* shipping on qualifying. This Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Social Work at the years; 2) how these portraits of the wife of the alcoholic that appeared in the to guide their clients toward acceptance of these "normal" female attributes, .. which wives should demonstrate but also lay out principles which therapists should.
The inevitable 'morning after' didn't deter me. With alcoholism the urge is not because the want is so strong, it's the need for the 'high' and the euphoric feeling that alcohol stops the pain from becoming overpowering. Depression is unreal and alcohol stops the pain of the depression. The pain returns once the alcohol affect wears off sober up so the need for more drink to numb the pain returns. It's a vicious unrelenting illness that knows no mercy for the sufferer. It's possible your wife has an inherited alcohol addiction, I know I do.
The only one who can stop your wife, is your wife. Threatening to leave will have no effect as the need for alcohol is stronger than her love for you. I have no doubt she does love you, but in order for her to abstain and get help, she has to ask. She will always be an alcoholic but if she can ask for and accept help she will start the journey towards recovery. When you say she has tried everything, until she is actually able to admit she is an alcoholic, and needs help, nothing will work. Actually admitting is ultra, I only admitted to it earlier this year, I had denied and covered up for years.
She may say she has a 'drink problem', that is not admitting, that is excusing.
- New Cars Are Bad For You! Sick Car Syndrome (Part 1).
- Online forums.
- Al-Anon - Family Support for Alcoholism.
- Reflections!
To admit is hard, accepting help is harder, but it does get easier once you can accept. Alcoholism is an illness, treatable, but in order for the treatment to work, admitting and accepting is Step One. Lynda and Geoff, thank you so much for your posts which are most helpful, particularly your comments regarding my wife blaming me for her drinking. I always felt that the blame didn't lie with me but sometimes I have had doubts and beaten myself up over her drinking, so your comments were a great comfort to me.
I think in any life crisis, you reach the point where things become so intolerable that removing oneself physically from the situation is the only way to bring some sense of calm to one's life, notwithstanding the resulting financial stress. My wife simply won't acknowledge her alcoholism and wallows in self pity for a life of misery which is entirely of her own making.
- What the Spouse of an Alcoholic Can Do to Help.
- After the Crisis;
- Come Out of the Valley.
- Wife, partner and mother of my kids is an alcoholic;
She is completely blind to the consequences of separation and divorce for both our futures. One of the things I find most distressing is that she has been in an alcohol fuelled haze from the first day of my radiotherapy and this has added significantly to the the stress my treatment causes. This neglectful behaviour would be completely out of character for her in a sober condition because, by nature, she is a very kind person. Alcoholism is a terrible disease and her drinking completely changes her persona to the extent that she becomes verbally and physically abusive. I have sometimes feared for my safety when things have been at their worst.
I can't help feeling your wife actually feels extremely 'empty' in her life. By that, I mean I presume she has no children of her own, does she have siblings, anyone she can call her family. She is your wife, yes, but does she have anyone on her side of the family she can talk to. You mentioned she has a great life with travel and no limitations financially.
However, I feel she may feel unfulfilled, I also believe her depression at lack of children if she has none could cause her to feel unfulfilled as a female. An alcoholic drinks mainly through depression, hereditary, cover up etc. In my case it was inherited, plus depression, plus availability. Perhaps if you could try to find out something about her, this may help you, help her.