Repression 3: Revenge!

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But other persons are able to keep up a surface appearance of functionality; they hold jobs, they get married, and they have children. Yet under the surface of normality a deep secret of anger and victimization is buried. Here are the dark roots of symptom after symptom of secret resentment for the father. In the unconscious, however, the anger gets distorted because it is difficult for children to be angry with a father from whom they still desire a sign of love.

To protect themselves from this dilemma, their unconscious finds an ingenious solution to raw, dangerous anger: There is no current psychiatric diagnosis for this collection of symptoms, so I have named a psychoanalytic diagnosis: Ira Patrem Latebrosa hidden anger at the father.

This is an anger at the father that so cloaks itself in invisibility that a person afflicted with it will deny that it even exists. Yet it does exist, and the evidence above proves it, like tracks in the snow that reveal the presence of an animal lurking nearby. And, as long as there are times when you feel hurt, you will be pulled down into unconscious fantasies of revenge.

Once you notice that you feel hurt, however, you have a choice. Violence, after all, is nothing more than a fear of love. And when you fear love, where do you turn? The pride of your own self-defense. Consider the nature of water, a weak and lowly substance that flows freely around all obstacles. When you do speak up, keep in mind an important psychological-social fact: You cannot control the behavior of others.

So, when you feel the urge to say something, ask yourself what you want to happen as a result. Who are you to tell me how to raise my children? Note here that, although sorrow is different from blame , a healthy response to insult and irritation really does require you to feel the pain that others cause you. Feel the pain for the sake of emotional honesty. Feel the pain for the sake of your sanity. Be careful not to deny the facts about what has happened. But also be careful not to point your finger at others in blame, because you, too, are as psychologically capable of harming them as they have harmed you.

Sorrow for humanity includes sorrow for your own capacity for aggression and cruelty as well. Symptoms can include tension, headache, screaming, trembling, stomach disturbances, and even chronic fatigue. Its symptoms can include insomnia, fatigue, panic, fear of impending death, indigestion, labored breathing, and generalized aches and pains.

M any individuals who need help with anger management have no interest in the psychodynamics of anger, and they are put off by anything suggestive of philosophy or religion. So, because anger is such a large problem in the world today, here is some advice about anger management, reduced to its most basic simplicity. Venting anger does not work. More often than not, it actually pumps up your emotional arousal and may even prolong it.

Instead, do the following. Remember the old, stereotypical advice about counting to ten before saying or doing anything when you first feel hurt? Deep, slow breathing is an automatic physiological effect of being at peace, so when you deliberately take slow, deep breaths you are indirectly telling your body that all danger has now passed; as a consequence, your body will stop producing adrenaline and your arousal will cease.

In fact, this leads to the next step. Many persons have such a limited knowledge of their emotional life that they tend to lump everything together into anger. If you look closely, though, you might find that behind the anger are more pertinent feelings, such as disappointment, sadness, fear, and so on. Click on the link for a list of emotions that can help you identify what you are actually experiencing.

Challenge your negative thoughts. The way we think has a lot to do with the way we feel, so changing your thoughts from a hateful, negative orientation to a calm, positive orientation becomes essential in managing feelings of hurt and insult. There was nothing we could have done to prevent it. One thing at a time. He knew this was an important [expletive] meeting! So why is he [expletive] late?

Repression 3 - Revenge!

Maybe they had a flat tire. Flow around the obstacle. Most persons feel frustrated when someone or something obstructs them in some way. The healthy response to frustration, however, requires a different psychological attitude than satisfaction. When feeling frustrated, sit back, relax, and wait. Say to yourself the following: Have you ever casually stepped off the curb to cross a street when a driver turning the corner almost hits you?

It can be enough to make you swear and bang on his car, right? You stop at a corner, about to turn right. You look all around, left, right, left again. You start to move. A pedestrian just stepped right in front of you and you barely saw him! So, think about it. Although some persons are truly selfish and inconsiderate, sometimes a person is simply distracted or confused, not maliciously trying to get in your way. You have an added responsibility, though, when someone you know hurts you.

Here are a few examples: Letting go of resentment and thoughts of revenge after an insult can be very difficult because thoughts of revenge are natural. Therefore, when you find yourself reeling from an insult, endeavor to drive away vengeful thoughts with positive thoughts. Your mind will want to keep coming back to the wound, and you may have to ward off vengeful thoughts for several hours following the insult.

Otherwise, your entire mental and physical equilibrium will be disrupted; you will be distracted, unable to concentrate, prone to lapses of judgment, and vulnerable to accidents. Developing a philosophical belief in justice plays a large role in being able to not dwell upon resentment.

Individuals who believe that justice must come from their own hands will always have their hands full and are in grave danger of getting stuck in depressive victimization. Well, besides the practical alternative of prison, with its loss of freedom, there is one major psychological alternative to managing feelings of hurt and insult in a healthy manner: Medical research and psychoanalytic theory have long recognized that chronic hostility and anger, whether unrecognized, suppressed, or vented in rage, can be causative factors in asthma, autoimmune dysfunction, coronary artery disease, cysts, depression, headaches, heart attacks, high blood pressure, insomnia, intestinal disorders, low back pain, sexual dysfunction, obsessive-compulsive disorder, paranoia, and ulcers.

Identify what is really happening, how much of a threat it really is, and why it is happening. Choose a reaction that is compassionate and fair, rather than fall headlong into hostility and revenge. My therapist says I have to feel angry feelings to get better. How can I show these feelings without freaking out myself or the therapist so he will tell me to leave?

But when you look at this reaction more closely, you can see that anger does not have to be the only reaction to hurt. The most immediate and primary response to hurt or insult is a physiological arousal of the sympathetic nervous system. These things, however, are just immediate self-defensive reactions that prepare us to take some sort of action to respond to the threat.

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Now, to be technically precise here, anger does not refer to the feeling of physiological arousal itself; anger is a particular response to that arousal that is grounded in hostility and hatred. In essence, anger is a wish to hurt someone because someone has hurt you. Meanwhile, Tom Paris and Kim have captured a displaced photon negative image of two humanoid figures on the holodeck — Ensign Tabor and his assailant. Tuvok asks them to increase the resolution of the images and keep him informed. The attacks began after the last data stream from Starfleet , so Tuvok's investigation includes the personal content of that transmission, including a letter from Kim's cousin Dennis.

Of the twenty eight recipients, only six match the parameters of the assailant's negative image.

Tuvok points out that Kim's letter mentions a friend who was killed by the Maquis years ago. As Kim angrily defends his innocence, Tuvok becomes strangely perturbed. The Doctor summons Tuvok to Sickbay, where Tabor has revived spontaneously, with no memory of the assault.

Tuvok's enigmatic attitude to the investigation seems to disturb Tabor. There, Chakotay finds her unconscious body and looks up to see Tuvok, who attacks him, quoting the Bajoran from the opening scene, as he initiates a mind meld. While Chakotay and Torres are treated in Sickbay, the bodies of other victims awaken with no memory of what happened to them.

Tuvok continues the investigation, having not slept for three days. He seems to have no memory of having attacked Chakotay. At Janeway's urging, he returns to his quarters to meditate. Suddenly, he has flashbacks of victims in Sickbay, Yosa in the Jefferies Tube and Chakotay fighting with him in the cargo bay. In the bathroom he sees the bruise from his fight with Chakotay, then a hallucination of the Bajoran behind his own reflection in the mirror.

Disturbed, Tuvok rushes to the holodeck where Janeway and Kim are investigating. He asks the computer when the negative image was formed and where he was at that time.

He learns that he has restricted information about his whereabouts, but that he was present during Tabor's attack and that the height and weight of the negative-image figure matches his own description. As Tuvok begins to tell Janeway that he is the assailant, he hears and sees the Bajoran telling him to ignore his doubts — and pulls a phaser, at the same time demanding to know who the hallucination is, as Kim and Janeway watch in confusion. Tuvok resists his own urges, gives up the weapon, and admits to being the attacker, telling Janeway that he should be detained.

When Janeway visits Tuvok in the brig, he explains there is a voice trying to control his mind with Bajoran incantations. Tuvok also says that it was he who attacked Maquis crewmembers and performed mind melds on them, but without knowing why. Tuvok recounts that the attacks started after he received a letter from his son.

Janeway, Chakotay, Seven and Paris then view the letter from Tuvok's son and discover that it contains an embedded message of the Bajoran chanting. Chakotay recognizes Teero Anaydis, a fanatical vedek who worked with the Maquis in counter-intelligence, but was thrown out for experimenting with mind control.

Janeway meets with Tuvok again in his cell to discuss Teero. Eventually it is proven Megan is a virgin and the rape was a false memory planted by her therapist. Megan's sister Blythe Auffarth confesses to accidentally killing her father and the police arrest the therapist and charge her with reckless endangerment.

Special Appearance by Ben Gazzara. When a baby is abducted from her mother Kerri Green in a grocery store, Detectives Benson and Stabler are led to Mark Sanford Bruce Altman , a private adoption lawyer with dubious business practices. The investigation of the adoption service opens up a twelve-year-old case originally handled by Sgt.

Max Greevey and Don Cragen involving a twelve year old boy Ian Cronin who has been missing since he was a baby after his mother was murdered. Captain Cragen teams up with Munch to solve the case. A series of rapes, each more violent than the previous, takes place in a community of African-Americans. Detectives Benson and Stabler promptly suspect a known HIV-positive sex offender Dorian Missick who was recently released from jail character partly inspired by real-life sex offender Nushawn Williams , however he dies of an overdose and is found on a rooftop.

The attacks continue and Detective Tutuola's childhood friends' daughter is killed. As they find nothing, her brother Rodney Thompson Todd Williams accuses the police of limiting the budget put on the case. Only when a fifth victim is killed, do her final moments alongside Thompson's persistence give them what they need to find the killer.

A known doctor is killed and his wife Lisa Eichhorn is raped. Detectives Benson and Stabler question the doctor's estranged and troubled son Geoffrey Wigdor from the doctor's previous marriage. They also locate a former patient John-Lule Montias who holds a grudge against the doctor. When the rapist then attacks the doctor's former mistress Liza Weil , the squad realizes that both the wife and the mistress know more than they let on. They try to catch a serial rapist and murderer. Their suspect is a recently released prisoner Kevin Chamberlin , who was put in jail years ago due to Hawk.

Alas, they come to deduce that not only is the predator someone else, but that the former prisoner is innocent of the previous murders, which means that Hawk was responsible for putting an innocent man behind bars. An unidentified man Mark-Paul Gosselaar is found shot and sexually assaulted in an alley outside of a gay bar.

Detectives Benson and Stabler learn that the victim and his wife Elizabeth Banks have a young daughter Audrey Twitchell with cystic fibrosis and that they worked in the porn industry to pay for her medical bills. The lead witness Kevin Geer , who is a recovering drug addict, angers Fin, causing him to re-think his police role. A young Asian woman Lynn Chen is severely beaten and raped at a burglary site.

Benson and Stabler initially suspect rival Asian gang members, who are in dispute over the victim's loyalty. This theory is disproven when they find another Asian victim and track down serial rapist Darrell Guan Marcus Chong. Guan was ostracized throughout his childhood and feels that even his own mother Wai Ching Ho did not love him. The case hits close to home for Benson because Guan is also the product of a rape. The trial focuses on the impact of genetic predisposition versus environmental upbringing on the nature of violence. A five-year-old girl is found viciously beaten to death in foster care.

Detectives Benson and Stabler investigate her complicated family ties. They learn the girl's birth mother Erika LaVonn always tried to get back her daughter from the foster mother Kathleen Wilhoite and foster grandmother Piper Laurie. They then investigate her introverted foster brother Colin Fickes.

Captain Cragen manages to reach out to him with the help of a video game.

A pregnant woman Tricia Paoluccio is attacked and has her fetus ripped from her womb. Detectives Benson and Stabler quickly look for the baby hoping he's still alive. The woman's husband John Ritter seems shocked, but it is soon discovered she may have had an affair with a construction worker Bobby Cannavale. The resulting trial has ADA Alex Cabot trying to argue that the fetus had a right to live without treading into the controversial territory of reproductive rights. A six-year-old boy is abandoned by his mother Elpidia Carrillo in an emergency room after having been shot.

Detectives Benson and Stabler look for his missing family members in order to find his shooter Louie Leonardo while Munch attempts to get through to the boy's ten-year-old brother Jean-Luke Figueroa. Eventually, it becomes clear that the whole family is in danger. A man and a woman are stabbed during a supposedly romantic park encounter. The woman's head as well as her hands are missing, which makes it difficult for detectives Benson and Stabler to identify the victims. They soon learn that the crime scene was staged and that the woman was an officer of the Manhattan Federation for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

This leads them to various people from her organization, as well as its opposers, and a young sociopath Michael Pitt who had a troubled relationship with the woman. However they soon uncover a more violent suspect Brian Sullivan much more close. A woman's body is found near her car after she was raped. With Munch on crutches, Tutuola is paired with Benson to investigate what the motive was, as well as why was her car's trunk was full of forged drugs.

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