Helping Someone Who’s Grieving

Coping with Grief and Loss

Contents:

Dealing with the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

What to Say and How to Comfort Others Through Bereavement, Grief, and Loss

It can create a schism and is very isolating. Chances are, your friend would be thrilled to talk about the person they lost. They may also want to talk about the actual death itself. This is a tragic moment that people struggle with, whether or not they were even present. Many imagine what their loved one must have gone through, and it sears its way into them. Others will never be able to forget what they saw and experienced. Be patient if they want to keep talking about it, if they repeat themselves.

They are processing the trauma, and talking about it helps. Talking about the lost loved on also lets your friend know that you understand that they are still a huge part of their life, and that they still deserve to be talked about. Your friend probably needs that aspect of their experience to be validated.

We fake it in polite company. On this side, the new normal, which is awful. The life we thought we were leading has been snatched away, and its replacement really sucks. Everyone is different, every relationship of every kind is different, but the fact remains that there is absolutely no timetable for grief. It is a never-ending process. The holidays are hellish. Birthdays are no picnic. Invite them to join in your holiday celebration or at the very least actually call them.

Texts are… the barest of the bare minimum. Do better, if you care. Many suffering from grief think about suicide regularly. Take them to brunch, to get nails done, for drinks, dinner, send flowers or small gifts if not local? This makes a HUGE difference. I can not tell you how much I see people on grief boards talking about how uncaring their friends are.

And I know from my own experience that I miss feeling the coziness of someone taking care of you. It would probably be so little for you, and so much for the person feeling so bereft of that. Start checking in early. A week before, a few days before, the day before.

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Grief processes depend on the relationship with the person who died, the situation surrounding the death, and the person's attachment to the person who died. These feelings often occur early in grief, and may be a self-protective way of getting through the facts of the death. Join a support group. Your loved one needs reassurance that what they feel is normal. Once children accept the death, they are likely to display their feelings of sadness on and off over a long period of time, and often at unexpected moments. You can say it. Furthermore, expecting the loss can make the attachment to the dying person stronger.

After Aaron died, and continuing through the present, ambulances and sirens almost always send a pang of pain coursing through me. Aaron died in our living room, with the paramedics working on him.

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I accompanied him on several ambulance rides over the course of his fight against cancer. But there are other things. Grief processes depend on the relationship with the person who died, the situation surrounding the death, and the person's attachment to the person who died.

Grief may be described as the presence of physical problems, constant thoughts of the person who died, guilt, hostility, and a change in the way one normally acts. Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss; mourning is also influenced by cultural customs, rituals, and society's rules for coping. Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced and mourning occurs.

The time spent in a period of bereavement depends on how attached one was to the person who died and how much time was spent anticipating the loss. If you feel that you are not coping with bereavement, it is important to seek help. Although it may seem easier to bury your pain than to face it, unresolved grief can cause long-term physical or emotional illness.

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Your reaction to loss will, in part, be influenced by the circumstances surrounding it. The death of a loved one is always difficult, particularly when it is sudden or accidental. Your relationship to the person who has died will greatly influence your reaction to the loss. The loss of a husband or wife is particularly hard. The surviving spouse will usually have to deal with a multitude of decisions regarding funeral arrangements, finances, and other legalities at a time when he or she may feel least able to deal with such matters. The bereaved spouse may also have to explain the death to children and help them through their grief.

In addition to the severe emotional trauma, the death may lead to financial problems if the deceased spouse was the family's main source of income. Returning to the job market or entering it for the first time can be one of the most challenging tasks for the recently bereaved spouse. When searching for a job, widows or widowers can look for ways to capitalize on the skills they have developed over the years.

Regardless of the cause of death or the age of the child, this is an emotionally devastating event that overwhelms a parent.

How to support someone who's grieving?

A child's death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice—for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams, and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child's death, no matter how irrational that may seem. Parents may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity. No matter what age you are—young or old, single or with a family of your own—you will still be deeply affected by the death of your mother or father.

When your mom or dad dies, it may be one of the most emotional losses you'll experience in life. It is only natural to feel consumed by a combination of pain, fear, and deep sadness at the loss of such a significant influence in your life. The specifics of how you grieve will depend on a number of personal factors, including your relationship with your parent, age, gender, religious beliefs, previous experience with death, and whether or not you believe it was time for your parent to die. When you lose a parent, you may also lose a lifelong friend, counselor, and adviser.

Therefore, you may suddenly feel very much alone, even if you have the support of other family and friends. Even the loss of your parent's home as a natural place for family gatherings can add to the grief you experience. After the initial shock fades, you will experience what is called secondary loss. This is when you may begin to think of all the upcoming experiences that your parent will not be there to share in. Things like career accomplishments, watching your own children grow, and other milestones. If you are old yourself, the death of a parent may bring up issues of your own mortality.

Allowing yourself to grieve for the loss of your parent will help you to say goodbye and loosen the emotional bonds to a loved one who has been a special part of your life. For every suicide, it is claimed that an average of six people suffer intense grief. Those affected include parents, partners, children, siblings, relatives, friends, coworkers, and clinicians. Coping with bereavement after a suicide can be more difficult than dealing with other losses because of the feelings of stigmatization, shame, guilt, and rejection that are often experienced.

The stigma that still attaches to deaths by suicide in many cultures can increase the bereaved person's sense of isolation and vulnerability. The death of a pet will often mean the loss of a cherished family member and can trigger great sorrow.

Dealing with the Grieving Process and Learning to Heal

People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Caregivers celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals, and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when your beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow. Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love during the time they share with you.

Other people may find it hard to understand such a reaction to what they may see as the loss of "just an animal," and they may, therefore, be less understanding of your grief. However, your loss is significant and you should give yourself permission to mourn the passing of your beloved pet.

Coping with Loss: Bereavement and Grief

Anticipatory grief is the normal mourning that occurs when a patient or family is expecting a death. Anticipatory grief has many of the same symptoms as those experienced after a death has occurred. Anticipatory grief includes depression, extreme concern for the dying person, preparing for the death, and adjusting to changes caused by the death, but it can give the family time to get used to the reality of the impending loss. People are able to complete "unfinished business" with the dying person for example, saying "good-bye," "I love you," or "I forgive you".

Anticipatory grief may not always occur. A person does not necessarily feel the same kind of grief before a death as that felt afterwards. There is no set amount of grief that a person will feel. Grief experienced before a death does not make the grief after that death easier or shorter in duration. Some people believe that anticipatory grief is rare. To accept a loved one's death while he or she is still alive may leave the mourner feeling as if the dying patient has been abandoned.

Furthermore, expecting the loss can make the attachment to the dying person stronger. Although anticipatory grief may help the family, witnessing the grief of family and friends can be very hard for the dying person, who can become withdrawn as a result. Some grief reactions are not considered "normal. Depression in bereavement can be successfully treated. Other losses occurring in later life may precipitate grief or depression. Retirement, loss of income, deteriorating physical health, and having to give up driving are just some of the more common occurrences that might cause grief reactions in old people.

Grief is a powerful emotion. It is painful and exhausting. Therefore, it sometimes seems easier to avoid confronting these feelings. However, this approach is not a viable long-term solution. Buried grief can manifest itself later as physical or emotional illness. Working through your sorrow and allowing yourself to express your feelings will help you to heal. These processes include separating from the person who died, readjusting to a world without him or her, and forming new relationships. To separate from the person who died, a person must find another way to redirect the emotional energy that was given to the loved one.

This does not mean the deceased was not loved or should be forgotten, but that the mourner needs to turn to others for emotional satisfaction. The mourner's roles, identity, and skills may need to change to readjust to living in a world without the person who died. It is important not to neglect yourself while grieving. Try to eat regular, healthy meals. If meal preparation is too difficult, try eating several smaller snacks throughout the day. Grieving is extremely tiring, both physically and emotionally.

The grief one is feeling is not just for the person who died, but also for the unfulfilled wishes and plans with the person. Death often reminds people of past losses or separations. Mourning may be described as having the following three phases:. Depression shares common features with grief, but can completely take over the way you think and feel. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked. Besides, moving on is much easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.

It is difficult for many grieving people to ask for help. They might feel guilty about receiving so much attention, fear being a burden to others, or simply be too depressed to reach out. What can I bring you from there? When can I come by and bring you some? Your loved one will continue grieving long after the funeral is over and the cards and flowers have stopped. The length of the grieving process varies from person to person, but often lasts much longer than most people expect.

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Your bereaved friend or family member may need your support for months or even years. Continue your support over the long haul. Stay in touch with the grieving person, periodically checking in, dropping by, or sending letters or cards. Once the funeral is over and the other mourners are gone, and the initial shock of the loss has worn off, your support is more valuable than ever. The pain of bereavement may never fully heal. Be sensitive to the fact that life may never feel the same. The bereaved person may learn to accept the loss. The pain may lessen in intensity over time, but the sadness may never completely go away.

Offer extra support on special days. Certain times and days of the year will be particularly hard for your grieving friend or family member. Holidays, family milestones, birthdays, and anniversaries often reawaken grief. Be sensitive on these occasions. Depression Symptoms and Warning Signs: Recognizing Depression and Getting Help.

Instead of telling the person what to do, try stating your own feelings: If a grieving friend or family member talks about suicide, seek help immediately.

In the UK, call How to comfort a child who's grieving Even very young children feel the pain of bereavement, but they learn how to express their grief by watching the adults around them. After a loss—particularly of a sibling or parent—children need support, stability, and honesty. They may also need extra reassurance that they will be cared for and kept safe.

Answer any questions the child may have as truthfully as you can. Use very simple, honest, and concrete terms when explaining death to a child. Children—especially young children—may blame themselves for what happened and the truth helps them see they are not at fault. Open communication will smooth the way for a child to express distressing feelings.

Because children often express themselves through stories, games, and artwork, encourage this self-expression, and look for clues in those activities about how they are coping.

What to Say and How to Comfort Others Through Bereavement, Grief, and Loss

Bereavement is the state of loss when someone close to you has died. At first, you may find it hard to accept that the loss has actually occurred. Allowing yourself to grieve for the loss of your parent will help you to say features with grief, but can completely take over the way you think and feel. . More Like This. When my dad died, I noticed many worried about doing the right thing. I don't think they know they do it, but you get the impression your pain is their Finding positives can be great (“they were so loved”; “what a full life they lived”; “this will bring you closer together/make you stronger”; and the like), but.

How to Help a Grieving Person — Series of articles on bereavement support, including how to help parents, families, friends, and co-workers. Helping a Grieving Parent — Offers advice on how to comfort your surviving parent, while also dealing with your own grief.